hello, I'm Paris! I have a lot to say, and that certainly comes out in my writing, my work, comment, review, speak!

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Optical Confusion

October 13, 2017


Something I've never quite understood is this complete and utter fascination that people with 20/20 vision have with those of us who aren't so lucky, not to mention our ocular aids, otherwise known as glasses. 

I'm not kidding. The constant calls of, "Hey, can I try on your glasses?" never end. And, just for future notice, my answer will always be a solid no. I look at their crestfallen faces and explain, at least twice a day, that trying on my glasses would probably only give them a headache. I'd also much rather save myself the concern, as I am very aware, from previous experience, that my definition of careful is very different from that of the average person. 

Perhaps you're wondering where this resolute 'no' has come from. Well, for many years I made the mistake of answering 'sure!’ and suffering the consequences. Because you know what never gets old? Being reminded that you're myopic. "Oh my god! You're so blind! How do you see without these?" Here's the quick answer - I don't. Now, would you please give those back. I also love it when people comment on the fact that “oh, you look so much better without your glasses on.” Well, you know what? You look a whole lot better when I don’t have my glasses on, too! And apparently people won't just believe you when you say you can't see. They need cold, hard evidence that you're not just wearing these as part of some elaborate prank. That's where my favourite game comes in. "How many fingers am I holding up?" It's all good and fine for the first two or three turns, but then the other person seems to get bored. And, while I don't know how I have given everyone the impression that I have X-Ray vision, apparently I'm supposed to know how many fingers are behind their back. Sadly, I now know that walking into a room of strangers just means I'm doomed to wait for my glasses to return to me while they're passed around, with a slight pause as each person is complimented on their newfound ability to become a librarian. In these situations, I just want to tell people to take themselves to a reject shop and buy one of those ridiculously 'trendy' pairs of fake plastic hipster glasses.

Which is where my main point of confusion comes in. Why do people think that having glasses is fun, or… good…in any way, shape, or form?
Allow me to explain. I’ve had a sudden and somewhat miraculous urge to exercise? Think again. My already startlingly high chance of tripping only increases when my glasses fog up. See, it becomes less about ‘let’s go for a run’ and more about ‘let’s take this opportunity to work on my strategy skills to find a way to run while I have absolutely no idea where I am going because my vision has been tragically stolen’. Often, when one of my friends has a new, fun, interesting movie idea, I’m forced to veto it purely because it’s only out in 3D. People struggle to accept this, but I no longer argue with them – I just say, “okay, I’ll go to the movie, but only if you wear a regular pair of glasses under your 3D glasses for the entire duration of the film.” Aquatic sports just…aren’t fun. When people complain about my decision not to do water polo in HPE, I’m just confused. Okay, so, you’re saying it’s unfair that I don’t have to do water polo because I a) would not be able to follow the flow of the game at all and it is therefore pointless, b) would strongly irritate my teammates because of the above reason, and c) have extremely poor depth perception without my glasses and would most likely get hit in the face with a ball and drown. But people can’t accept this. “Why don’t you just wear contacts?” Ah, the million-dollar question. Well, there are many reasons, my main one being that after having a contact lens stuck behind my eye for a prolonged period of time at the young and impressionable age of eight, I just don’t like the idea. People also comment on how unfair it is when I get out of school for a period or two to go to the optometrist. Clearly, these people have never been to one. Let me tell you something – optometrists are anything but fun. You get poked, prodded, numbed, and dilated. Then you go through an endless amount of tests, each one more irritating than the last. And dilation of the pupils is in a whole other category by itself. Best case scenario – I walk out of the building with an orange tinge to my eyes, which would be great if it was Halloween but for 364 days of the year it isn’t. Alternate scenario – I walk outside with my jacket over my eyes moaning and complaining because I’ve suddenly become allergic to sunlight. So yes, I would rather have double Maths than an optometrist visit.

Let’s face it – for those of us with less than fabulous vision, or in my case, horrific vision, we’re stuck with it. But don’t worry, it only lasts for the rest of our lives.



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  • ParisInFrance

    Thank you very much Abigail!! I really really appreciate your thoughts :)

    over 1 year ago
  • AbigailSauble

    I was not disappointed when I clicked on this. ;) Great sarcasm! Like I mentioned in my last comment, I greatly appreciate it! I look horrible in glasses . . . not that I wear them, everyone in my family has at one time or another (and a lot of my friends), and they all look great in glasses. :) I'm not one of those people who think that glasses are an advantage (though yes, in some ways they are) . . . because my younger sister has proved that it really isn't. (Hope I'm making sense here).
    Bottom line: Love this piece! Love the mood you create! Keep writing more like this! :)
    Have a great day!

    over 2 years ago