Peer Review by AbigailSauble (United States)

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All That Matters

By: Starborne Scrolls


FREE WRITING

YOU WILL NEVER SUCCEED!

So close.
That's what I am.
Just a few more steps.


YOU ARE UNLOVED!

I can endure it.
I must.
For Him.


YOUR EFFORT IS FUTILE!

This is the only way.
I know it.
I can take the torture.


DENY HIM BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!

I can't give up.
Not now.
Not after I've come so far.


YOU KNOW YOU WILL FAIL!

Will I?
I don't know.
I stumble.


YES! YOU TREMBLE BEFORE ME!

Never.
I rise.
But I'm not alone this time.


WHAT? NO!

We have beaten you.
We have succeeded.
We are victorious.

.  .  .

All that matters?
I am His.
And He is mine.

I edited this one since the first I posted, so that the "He" referred to is Christ. I also think what I've changed helps it flow better. The normal words are what the main character is saying. The italicized words are the main character's thoughts. The bold, capitalized words are what the antagonist is saying. Hope that helps!
Thanks and God bless,
Starborne Scrolls

Message to Readers

I appreciate all peer reviews, CC, and comments!


Peer Review

'But I'm not alone this time.' - This is very true. God is with us every step of the way. Or like in the Footprints in the Sand poem: 'When you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." Your ending lines were fabulous as well. I am His because He died for me. Not because I deserved it. Thanks for reminding me of this. :)


Conviction. I wrote a poem awhile back which reads: 'We must endure the race, for which we have cause, to keep up the pace even though we bear flaws. For Christ has commanded that all Christians should stand, because He was mistreated, and would have us withstand. So bring light to this world, is the call we all bear, as the word is unfurled, so that all men may hear.' In this piece, you showed us a struggling Christian who has God for his 'end of the tunnel'. He's keeping his eyes on Christ, and the devil knows that he is powerless to do anything about it, even though he keeps trying to shove him off the right path. Then your protagonist has finally reached his goal. Superb!


How was this inspired? I know that this is a typical question. ;)


Reviewer Comments

You did a fantastic job showing a spiritual battle between a Christian and the deceiver. Ultimately, God will reign. Your ending gave me a warm, held feeling. :)
Keep writing!

God bless!