Peer Review by ALangford (United Kingdom)

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End of a Prologue

By: Sophio Bourne


FREE WRITING

Rumours. 

They hit like a car at first. One minute wandering on the road and the next your lying cold on the floor. Glass is everywhere where your perfect ideals and dreams are shattered. It's crazy that in an instant everything can be fine one moment but the minute you return to comfort, kicking your boots off and sliding into warm sweaters...that everything can leave you frozen.

But they're just rumours.

But you don't understand. The sheer magnitude. They can die away. The whispers can die away calling you 'slut' 'whore' 'idiot' but the fact the future possibilities were revealed to be none...that's what breaks you. 

R-U-M-O-U-R-S 

But he'll never believe some girl who dated his friend who now wants to date you? No, the fact is Sir you'd believe your friends if they lied to you with an emotional gun in your face rather to hear the truth from rose lips. That doesn't matter though? You still want me to stop so I will. 

Stopping movement, breaths staggered. Those breaths meant to show my attraction to you instead skipping heartbeats with your playlist on repeat in a dark office. Wine burning my throat. 


Peer Review

'Those breaths meant to show my attraction to you instead skipping heartbeats with your playlist on repeat in a dark office'. The wording here is beautiful but it's also charmingly fragmented, which really adds to the effect, which is why I find it so clever. You add small details of setting meticulously, so that I can just imagine the specific setting but it doesn't become so specific that it can't still apply to situations I've been in before. The idea that you outline, as well as how you find solace, is a really universal thing so the reader can find aspects of his/herself within it.


It's quite a heartbreaking piece, really - even without knowing the situation (as you never reveal this, which I find interesting) I am able to sense the grief that went into this. It's to do with the slightly disjointed wording, yet the pure elegance of its accompanying pictures; the metaphor and simile that you employ to explore your feelings; the structure, with its careful repetition and anaphora. I was left shaken by the depth of feeling within the piece, but it also helped me to reflect on myself, and situations in which this has applied to me, and whether I reacted in the same way as you. It's a very reflective, introspective piece, really.


I would ask what inspired it! It's quite a sad topic and very relatable to teenagers and adults alike. It mixes ideas about simple bullying and isolation (the rumours, people not understanding you) and love, which is interesting to me because I would love to know the situation in which these all become intertwined, really. Having learned from the piece very little about what has upset the narrator, I would ask what inspired it, and whether writing about it made you feel better.


Reviewer Comments

Have you ever considered writing dramatic monologue? You instinctively add pauses into your prose and you play with pace very well - this really opens up pieces like this to a speaker. You also already seem to have a hidden listener, or someone whom you're telling the story to. You have a very good ear for it.There's a lot to play with. Can you imagine staging this, and having someone speak it aloud?
Well done - I really enjoyed reading this and look forward to reading more of your work!