Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
For me, the first line stood out massively. Firstly, because it's the only piece of dialogue in the piece (which is clever in itself, because there's that subsequent sense of loneliness and isolation that runs through the rest), secondly because it's so beautifully set out to inspire fear and excitement from the outset and lastly because it literally throws one into the action. Just reading it on my feed I already felt involved in the piece. Do you think, though, that it might strengthen this a bit to explain where this dialogue is coming from, or maybe use it once more?
Curiosity, of course, for the situation - the piece is quite short, although there's a lot of action within that space, and having read the passage I'm naturally very excited to find out what has happened before this point and what will happen after.
I think the nature of the writing, action-heavy and verb-guided, would lend itself well to a film script. I would ask, have you visualised this (and writing you may have done like this) as scripted? Would you like to see it on screen? How would you set it out?
You manage to pack an admirable amount into a short space. Your writing is very succinct yet constantly gripping and engaging, and you've definitely harnessed minimalist writing. I look forward to reading more of your work!