Crescent Moon

She was small for her age. Skinny and pale, a sliver of crescent moon smiling thinly through the dark clouds of tumbling black curls. The world around her was quite the same, but bland. Dreary and grey, the mist rose in pockets off cold, dampened concrete. The holes were overlooked, craters of desolate landscape, unnecessary accessories to an early morning walk. Few souls passed by her, but when they did, she seemed as an unnecessary an addition as the potholes below. The people were as misty as the landscape, all muddled from too long a time spent asleep, away from the world. Their minds were just beginning to whir and shoo away the fog. The girl was different, however. Her mind was clear; as bright and pure as the moon she resembled.

Peer Review

What about the omniscient lens works well for this piece?

It gives me a great picture of the world, and the main character. You did a beautiful job with all the descriptions! I felt like I could reach out and touch the girl. :)

What's your favorite line? Why?

'Her mind was clear; as bright and pure as the moon she resembled.' - Because it's such a lovely description! The descriptions given throughout the composition led up wonderfully to the ending line, which gave such a contrast that it was very easy to see. I looked up at the moon last night, and it was really bright, even though only half of it was there. I got the same feeling with this piece. :)

Reviewer Comments

You did a great job putting all the sentences together, and with the adjectives that you choice.
Superb job! Hope to see more compositions like this. :)
God bless!