Peer Review by RedWriter (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


Lindley

By: elisa


PROMPT: Slow Seeing

i'm calm.

it's rare, nowadays, for me to be, what with school and work and anxiety. but here, perched on the side of the bridge, watching the stream twist and turn and bubble over rocks and dirt and sand, i feel okay. i watch maya quietly, her paws barely grazing the ground as she jumps from bank to bank. i can hear the sound of a dove high above me, crooning and rustling her wings.

a leaf tears off the maple tree to my side, resting lightly on the wings of the breeze before drifting down into the stream. i smile. the sunlight is filtering through the tress, dancing on the earth, bathing the whole scene in a sleepy, soft light. it's reaching late afternoon and a feeling of calm settles over me as i effortlessly leap down into a patch of daisies just to my left, where I stretch out and close my eyes, taking deep breaths. I can smell earth and grass and maya, my beautiful puppy laying down to rest in her head on my chest.


Message to Readers

please help me and leave a review i am so crap at writing you can put it down on your resume as a charity activity


Peer Review

I love the description of the dog and the dog. I also like how you use sleepy to describe the word sunlight. For some reason this really helps me to imagine teh kind of day.


You don't really mention smell but that's not to say your piece needs it.


Reviewer Comments

I can really feel this piece. I can feel my own dog resting on my lap, sitting on the stairs of my grandmother's porch. You're amazing.