Peer Review by AbigailSauble (United States)

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Whispers in the Wind

By: HarperGrace


FREE WRITING


I was a thought. I was a being. Now, I'm simply a memory.
I stand, alone, in the void I could have called home. I watch, as my older sisters continue to age without me. There are four of them, and none will ever see me. I am a ghost. A simple whisper in the wind, and I will soon be forgotten. Every year they may visit me, but it's never actually me. Only what is left. Hidden under the ground, buried in a hole, along with so many others like me.
I was a child. I didn't deserve this.
The balloons follow me when they come. Always blue, that could have been my favorite color. They are never empty, but are always full of the messages they write. Every year the hand writing changes, and the messages become more clear. I always read them. They probably think I never receive them, that they get lost in the clouds, but I do. 
​They wish me ​happy birthday. ​They always do.
The plead for me to reply.
I do, but they never hear me. If only they knew that I watch them grow, that I whisper goodnight in their ears every night, that I tell them ​I love you, hoping for them to turn around and see me...but they don't.
​They beg for me to return.
Believe me, if I could, I would.     
 


Message to Readers

I hope you liked this piece! I wanted to try something new. :)


Peer Review

'Believe me, if I could, I would. ' - Great ending! This piece is so incredibly sad! I honestly do believe that those who pass on watch over us who are left. Perhaps not on earth. It is, however, an undiscovered part of the world. :)


Sadness. A deep want to help the ghost who wants to be able to reach out to her family. You did such a superb job with this piece, that I felt as if I was the ghost. I love the 'Happy Birthday' touch that you put on this! It made it more realistic, and sad, too.


Was this inspired by something in your life? I know that you're not a ghost. :P But I was wondering if maybe someone in your family died young. You don't have to answer if you'd rather not. :) You did such a great job on this! I can't emphasize this enough.


Reviewer Comments

Superb! Absolutely superb! You did a good job in catching my attention (ghosts usually do :P), and kept it throughout the composition. Your title was excellent as well. I like how you wrote this from the perspective of someone who has already died. It's sad, and a little disheartening, but very interesting!
Superb job!
Keep up the awesome work!
God bless!