Peer Review by AbigailSauble (United States)

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Away from Home

By: Gemma B.

She stared out the window, the busy city spanning out beneath her, full of bright lights and movement. There were people everywhere, loitering in streets and hurrying around with huge shopping bags clutched in their hands. She was surrounded by people, but all she could feel was loneliness. 
Home could not be further away. Her eyes grew wet as she thought of her family, in a town thousands of kilometres away. 
'You couldn't stay there forever,' she told herself. 'You need a fresh start.'  Although she knew this was true, it didn't help. The tears began to spill, tumbling down her cheeks, more arising with every sob. 
Eventually, they ceased and she curled up on her bed. Her suitcase lay full on the floor. 
A knock sounded on the door, and it opened to reveal a friendly face. 
"You must be the new girl. Are you alright?"
The visitor's smile lit up her heart and suddenly she was alright. 

Peer Review

'The visitor's smile lit up her heart and suddenly she was alright.' - You never know what your kindness can do for someone. :) You showed this in the last line. A simple friendly smile can brighten up someone's day. :)

Never! You did a good job in sticking with the main character's thoughts and feelings. I love the contrast of loneliness in the beginning, to joy in the end. :)

Reviewer Comments

Great job! A lot of stories end sad (like most of mine) but happy endings are what make the world go round. ;) Love how you wrote this! And your descriptions were great!
God bless!