Peer Review by Corbinium (United States)

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Couldn't Be True

By: Jellybeanz


    Tears rolled down her face. He was unconcerned with her deep feelings. Although she was not especially beautiful, or popular, she was brilliant, kind, funny, and mildly pretty. He knew her undying love, but he never returned it.
    This spot in the park was secluded, known only to her. She sat on her favorite rock, thinking up love poems she'd never dare to write.
    There was a tap on her forearm. She turned to see he'd followed her, and was smiling with arms outstretched. She dared not believe. She knew he didn't love her, knew it couldn't have happened.


Peer Review

Just by reading the first few sentences I knew that this piece was exactly what I've been looking for. For the past 4 months, I have been searching far and wide for a piece that could represent how I'm feeling; this is it. Thank you.


Everywhere! I don't know the context but I don't need to. To me, this piece is a feeling; not necessarily a scenario.


Nope


Keep going, but I don't think any changes are necessary. :)


Reviewer Comments

My only additional comment is that, for me, switch the 'he' and 'she' around. It's not very often that what you described in this piece happens to the 'he' instead. <3