ALangford

United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland

semi on hiatus because i have decided i am no writer

Message to Readers

I really want to see how you think I could have made this work better in 99 words?? It's really clunky like this & perhaps diminishes my message (first draft was about 500 words and I cut down from there) but I couldn't figure out how to do it. Thanks!!

Slaughterhouse

August 19, 2017

 Truck.

Bars-and-then-Sky.         Blue.

        Breeze melts down P401358's back.

                     Pigs try Movement; want Air-on-Skin.

    Can't move --- Crushed.    
                                                                Runt falls between writhing-pink-bodies-like-Worms.     
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                                    Squeals -- he suffocates.



    Shortly P401358 sees gate open.
                                                    
                                                    Pigs run; Pleasure.

            New Open-Space has Big-Beauty.    Light.        P401358 looks back at Runt--- glassy eyes.    Day hot--- flies gather. 
  


  P401358 runs. Bucks.    Feeling of Sun-On-His-Back-And-The-Air - Beauty.  

                                         Never run before though---  limbs know.     Collapses metres out of Gate and is dragged.
    
       Light-and-Space lost now.   Just Men-In-White and Smell-and-Screams.    Need water; mouth dry-like-Paper.
                                
             He feels everything. 

River-Of-Blood trickles below. P401357 Gone. Time.

           P401358
                                  wishes
                                                  
                                                    'Air-and-Sunlight'
                                                                
                                                                                as
                                                                                             he
                                                                                                      feels 
                                                                                                                      the
                                                                                                                                         Blade.

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