Hilarious

Kitten

Australia

"Have I gone mad?"
"I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret....all the best people are."
- Listen, Smile, Agree, And then do whatever you wanted to do anyway -

Message from Writer

Constructive criticism of any kind is welcome and reviews are adored. I'm also spontaneous and am not a fan a cliche romance. I write pieces about friendship, tragedy, and chance because, in all honesty, no one seems to value friendship as much as they should anymore and we don't seem to appreciate the chances and opportunities we have. We can't choose the cards we're dealt but we can choose how we play them and who knows, maybe if you chance it, you'll get the royal flush of hearts.

Reyna's Guide to Saving Ramona Sky from an Insane Emu (with Friends)

August 28, 2015

FREE WRITING

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The Ancient High Council was in session.
 
Sun Feather stamped her clawed foot on the ground, the sound echoing intimidatingly throughout the grotto.  All eyes turned to her.  Sun Feather may seem gentle in appearance but she truly was the most wicked and dark hearted creature to walk the earth.  Just look at what the emu had done to Desert Song!  Nobody should have had to endure such agony before they died, especially kind, mothering and brave Desert Song. 
“I suppose you all know why you are have been called here today?” Sun Feather crooned softly.  Muddy Stone grunted.
“You’ve got that right!  You’re going to explain to us all non-desert dwellers why Desert Song was murdered!” the wombat growled furiously, his wry brown fur bristling.  A large, outback red kangaroo rolled his unnaturally blue eyes in contempt. 
“You know why she was killed, Muddy Stone.  She betrayed us, her family, for the young magic!”
Protests arose from the woodland and marine life as the wombat barrelled forward, snarling in rage.  The two would have been nose to nose if it hadn’t been for the severe height advantage Jumping Rock had but that didn’t stop Muddy Stone from intimidating the larger animal.  The cacophony was soon silenced by Sun Feather’s glare.
“Enough!  It has been a long time since the incident, Muddy Stone, and unless you wish to join her you won’t utter another word.”
The wombat’s snout curled into a terrifying snarl but he remained quiet.  “Good as you all know, that blasted school for young magic wielders is opening in a week’s time and those traitors, Ripple Ray and Ebony Eye Night Wing, will be claiming their supporters.  I have decided that one of Desert Song’s chosen’s will be kidnapped and held ransom.  Her spirit will not offer much defence against us now she’s dead.”
Muddy Stone rose to his paws. 
“Well, I for one shall not be part taking in this heinous crime.  This is cruel immoral and wrong.  You, and all who support you, are a disgrace!” he thundered before vanishing in a typhoon of dust.  The majority of the other animals followed his example, their defiance in the face of Sun Feather’s rule shining through.  Sun Feather trembled with outrage. 
“Fine!  I don’t need any of you!  Jumping Rock!  Ready your forces.  I want one of those wretched upstarts bound at my claws before those doors are opened!”
 
 
The clicking of boots on concrete alerted Jumping Rock to a human’s presence.  He peeked through the dense foliage of his hiding place to get a better look at his target.  The kangaroo’s ear twitched.  She appeared to be a very wealthy mortal, perhaps a bit brattish if her thoughts were anything to go by.  She carried the faint whiff of Desert Song’s aroma; the sweet scent of wild flowers, the earth and the reek of blood and Hawthorne.  The perfect target.
 
He raised his right paw and the bilby at his feet flicked his ears.  The grass beneath the child’s feet glowed faintly before shoots erupted from the earth, twining themselves around her.  She screamed, thrashing and struggling, her limbs flailing in an attempt to escape.  It was pointless through.  The child’s eyes began to glaze over in terror as the grace began to mummify her body.  An ominous caw pierced the air as a great black cockatoo swooped down, dropping a large oil canister on her head.  She crumpled to the ground unconscious.  Jumping Rock and his partners’ smirked wickedly.  Mission accomplished.
 
For a member of Desert Song, Reyna couldn’t be in a better house.  She was reckless, courageous and self-sacrificing however she hated being a hero or heroes in general.  So when Saffron had woken her up in the middle of the night for a rescue mission, she had naturally protested.
“Oh come on, Fawn.  It’ll be fun!  You don’t have to play hero but just come with me!  Besides, she could be in danger!  You said so yourself. Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.  Ramona is Ohana.”
Reyna scowled and got up, quietly.  Only Desert Song members knew her real name and her love for the show Lillo and Stitch.
“Fine.  I’ll come just keep your voice down, Saff.”
 
“So do you two have any idea where we are going?” Winifred asked.  Reyna debated if she should wack the girl over the head or put her to sleep.  Both sounded equally as appealing. 
“No,” Saffron replied, successfully distracting Reyna from choosing and saving Winifred from either option.  “We’re winging it.”
“Let’s try at Roma St-” Ophelia was cut off from whatever logical tangent she was about to embark on as an ancient whisper swept through the clearing.
“Hurry children,” it whispered, 3 voices, male and female, soft, crooning and musical, combined as one.  “You don’t have much time.  Follow our voices.  GO!”
 
Ramona Skye was having a bad day.  Scratch that, she was having an absolutely horrible day.  It started with her strolling down a path, being attacked by killer grass and having a grey canister dropped on her head, knocking her unconscious.  She then woke up to a maniac of an emu who was sprouting complete and utter gibberish about holding her hostage for some absolutely bizarre reason about which she had long since given up trying to understand.  To make matters worse she was tied up to a gum tree with vines, rope and of course duct tape.  She was also coated in honey and it was extremely disgusting and uncomfortable. 
“Young witch,” a voice murmured, gentle and tired.  Ramona froze. 
“Stay calm young one.  Help is coming.”
“Who are you?” she asked, worrying for her sanity.  After all, she’d been abducted by a bunch of talking animals and was bonded to a tree covered in honey.
“As the idiotic emu believes, I’m your patron but really I’m just the figure for your house,” the voice replied, amusement clear.  Ramona froze.
“Then that means…”
“Yes I’m Desert Song, little one.”
“But you died!  How?”
“Nothing lasts forever, young witch, not even death.  Besides, not even Sun Feather could get rid of me completely,” Desert Song replied, proudly.
“But you’re still dead through.”
“Unfortunately.”
“And you have an ego.”
“Not quite, young witch,” the deceased dingo rebuked, offended.
“You’re a dead dingo with an ego who is currently talking with me.”
“If that is what makes you happy.”
Ramona fainted.
 
At the same time, Reyna, Saffron, Ophelia and Winifred were slinking through the woods, keeping quiet as they approached the heart of Australia with the orginal animals of the land.  Well, Reyna and Ophelia were sneaking, Saffron and Winifred were causing a racket but that was beside the point.
“Ready humans?” Muddy Stone asked, shaking his pelt.  Reyna looked back at the others and nodded.
“As we’ll ever be.”
“Do you know what you’re doing?” the wombat asked.
“Yep.  Reyna’s gonna be all sneaky and grab Ramona while we buy her time by distracting Sunny,” Saffron replied, nudging Reyna.  The wombat cocked his head slightly. 
“I hope whatever you’re going to do has a little more depth them that.  Insulting her is a good idea actually.  Sun Feather hates being disrespected.” 
“That makes Saffron’s job easy,” Winifred muttered. 
“I heard that!”
“Shut up!” Reyna hissed as the kangaroo on guard duty perked up his ears.  Surprisingly the duo shut up.  Reyna turned to Ophelia and tilted her head in a silent question.  Ophy breathed deeply and nodded.  It would be difficult for Ophelia as she was the best magic user in the group to fight as using magic directly had no effect.  Reyna glanced at her friends a final time before she scrambled swiftly up a tree and snuck in.  She was carefully making her way through the shadows of the main cavern when she heard it.  The sound of battle erupted as creatures poured into the grottoes and caverns.  She could smell the different aromas of the fighting fauna and immediately turned her attention back to the unconscious and bloody Ramona Skye.  The emu in the cavern had yet to notice her, too focused on a glowing orb in front of her, outrage etched into her features.  Winifred, Saffron and Ophelia burst into the cavern, casting the spell Bombarda at the stalactites above Sun Feather causing them to fall on the flightless bird.  She squawked in fury and unleashed blast after blast at the trio.  It was a strange thing, the ancient magic.  They didn’t need spells or words to unleash their power yet those fortified the effect.  Reyna wasn’t an expert nor did she dwell on things that really didn’t affect her so she let the matter be and returned to untying Ramona.  Honey coated her fingers as she deftly undid the knot, thanking Desert Song for her skill with ropes.  Heaving Ramona into her arms, Reyna turned back to the others and paled.  Saffron’s arm was bent at an unnatural angle, Ophelia was bleeding from an array of scars and Winifred was embedded in the wall.  Ophelia staggered to Winifred’s side as Saffron faced Sun Feather.
 
Saffron was breathing heavily.  Her arm was numb and pain had encased her lower body but she wasn’t scared.  She couldn’t quit now not with everything that was at stake.  The school, her friends, their lives…she just couldn’t back down.  Nor would she.  She was a member of Desert Song. 
“What made you think you could defeat me?  The great Sun Feather?” the emu taunted, victory plastered over her face.  Saffron smirked.
“You can be defeated, Bird Brain.  You will fall today.”
“You and what army?” Sun Feather sneered.  Saffron smirked again.
“That one,” she replied pointing as Reyna Malady stepped up behind her. 
 
Everything flowed together as Reyna leapt, crashing into the magical being as her friends made their getaway.  When she had planned this with Saffron, she had left out one minor detail; there was a high chance Reyna wouldn’t be returning home.  Not that Reyna was particularly worried.  She’d lived a good life and if she died today then so be it.  However that didn’t mean that she was just going to allow herself to die.  Reyna wasn’t that stupid.  Another kick to the face allowed, Reyna to make her move.  She bolted for the entrance but was quickly tackled by a bruised and battered emu.
“Any last words?” Sun Feather sneered, following the usual villain cliché.  Reyna smirked.
“Yep.  Send the devil my regards.  Bombarda,” she quipped, raising her wand.  Horror filled Sun Feather’s eyes as the pair were buried under an avalanche of rocks.
 
Two weeks later, Reyna on crutches, Saffron with her arm in a sling, Ophelia covered in Band-Aids and Winifred sporting the latest head gear hobbled out of the infirmary with Ramona at their side.  The gang thought it was worth it and were ready for whatever Mugworts had install, after the detentions and kitchen patrols of course.               
This is my Writer's Camp Story.  Hope you enjoyed it!

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