Peer Review by AbigailSauble (United States)

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A New Familiar

By: Lone Warrior WWII


PROMPT: Returning

I don't know why I thought I could return. The familiar sound of cars whizzing by The smell of a hot dog vendors cart. All this was familiar yet distant. Painful memories of days gone by haunted me. I had been gone for ten years but it felt like a thousand. I stared up at the building that changed my life forever. It was FBI building in Washington D.C. I was now on the outside looking in. I had no life, no family, and no job. That's what the FBI did to me. I knew so many things I wished I didn't. For example, I knew the President was going to be assassinated. I couldn't stop it. I had known Russia was going to nukeIsrael. I couldn't stop it. That was all over know though. 
"Hey buddy, you want to move along" A security guard asked. I walked through the crowded city streets. I caught a train, my goal now was to disappear into the countryside. I wanted to leave everything I foolishly thought I could return to. I needed to start over. I needed a new normal. So that's why I came out to run a dairy farm in the rolling hills of  Virginia. My new familiar.


Peer Review

The mood, definitely! A melancholy sort of mood, I suppose. Sad, with a touch of nostalgia. Great job in hinting at the main character's past. How far into the future did you plan this story to be set to?


I think you gave me enough information so that I can feel this person's sadness. He thought he could start over in Washington D.C., but he realized that he couldn't. It'd be nice to know what exactly happened to cause all of the feelings that he's experiencing, but I love this piece that way it is. :)


Reviewer Comments

Excellent job with the over-all mood of the piece! You did a fantastic job with the descriptions, and nostalgia part of this!
Great job! Keep it up!
God bless!