Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
I'd appreciate any feedback for this piece and thanks for reading!
I like the fact that there's a small amount of dialogue. A lot of these don't have it, and you made it interesting and necessary.
I would want to know what the narrator was laughing about.
I think this was really smart. Adding a bit of personality to the hiccups made it almost like an awkward third wheel, which was funny to visualize.