Peer Review by ALangford (United Kingdom)

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The Birds

By: Grace Croken



Verse 1:
I got all this anger
Boiling up inside of me
And I can't help but scream
And scream and scream 
And there's nothing good in this life no more
All anybody seems to do is let each other down
Let go of each other hands
Woman leaves for another man 
Children cry as they're dads walk out the door
Buildings crash to the floor

Pre Chorus:
And all the birds 
Fly away
In a cloud 
Of blackened haze
From the field
They emancipate 
From their rusted chains 

Chorus:
I can't help but listen to their words
Listen to the news of our corrupted world 
But no body seems to do a thing
Only complain about the things that we can change
Shout out about religion and color
 and preference and pain
Refusing to see that all humans are built the same 

Verse 2:
War surrounds our tiny towns
Poverty is the mayor's name
They say that lack of education is the one to blame
But who's fault is that?
Our teachers didn't teach us well
We can't learn what we hasn't been taught
Except ethics and morals is something we should know
Somthing we should learn from our own broken hearts

Pre Chorus:
And all the birds 
Fly away
In a cloud 
Of blackened haze
From the field
They emancipate 
From their rusted chains 

Chorus:
I can't help but listen to their words
Listen to the news of our corrupted world 
But no body seems to do a thing
Only complain about the things that we can change
Shout out about religion and color
 and preference and pain
Refusing to see that all humans are built the same


Message to Readers

Thanks for reading ! Feedback would be much appreciated :)


Peer Review

This sounds like a beautiful song, which is very well-crafted, and I'm left with a residual sense of the writer's distress about the perceived injustice of the world. This involves their anger about the abundance of discussion about the wrongs of the world but the lack of action towards a resolution of such problems.


'Poverty is the mayor's name' stands out to me the most because it shows that the nature of this song is a revolt against the establishment, and a rejection of elitist politics whereby any citizen can be driven into poverty. It's very beautifully poetic and conveys many nuances of political theory within one elegant metaphor.


I honestly have read the pre-chorus about the birds so many times trying to understand what it's meant to mean but I can't - this is, however, quite important as the title is derived from it. I'd like to see some clarification on the significance of the birds so that any listener does not feel at a loss having listened to this song. Is it a few words of encouragement, advice to humans to escape the chains of society's wrongdoings and unite for a better world? Or is it more sinister, that the beauty of the world cannot be compatible with its current state?


The language you use is gorgeous - you construct lines elegantly, with simplicity and charm. You also have a talent for conveying your emotions with tenacious clarity - your anger and distress honestly does rub off on the reader. Your intention with this lovely piece is clearly to jolt its listener into activism in order to make a difference, and indeed, reading it I almost feel guilty for lying on my bed drinking tea rather than taking to the streets and protesting!


Reviewer Comments

Well done - this piece caught my eye from the outset. You've avoided traditional, generic topics for a song such as love or loss (and to me, a good writer distinguishes him/herself as much by chosen topic as by language), which can very easily blur into cliche, and have targeted your energy instead into a demand for political action, something I would like to see a lot more in music. I'm very impressed by this piece and look forward to reading more of your work in the future - keep writing!