Peer Review by Ash (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?

all i've never known

By: Grace Mary Potts

PROMPT: The Unknown

I do not know much about independence.
Surviving on your own.
Living by your own guidance.
Making your own decisions.
The notion of it is elusive and vague but for the understanding that it is the ideal that every person in my age group strives for. Being free to do what one wishes without waiting for an adult’s consent. Catching a train to the city and spending the day alone, wandering through the clamouring crowds, the noises and busy streets, with the act bearing no significance at all. Having a job. Earning money for yourself.
I can scarcely remember a time when I was not attached to one of my parents – it occurs to me that I have always been that small child, surgically attached to her mother’s leg out of timid insecurity and fear of being abandoned. I wouldn’t say that I fear growing up. Not at all. The idea of travel and university and life outside of high school thrills me to no end.
Independence on the other hand…
Scares me.
How I am I expected to wake myself up in the morning, without my mother there to drag me out of bed? How am I to learn how to use the washing machine and earn my own money and drive myself to University?
And there is, admittedly, a part of me - buried deep under mounting levels of stress and wariness - that knows some things just come with age. A few years from now these thoughts will mean little to me but for, perhaps, a momentary flicker of fondness for a time when I was more naïve. I might live on my own and walk through the city everyday with a Styrofoam cup clasped firmly in my hand, sipping coffee on the way to work or whichever course I'm taking. I'll be a published author and I won't be a child anymore. I’ll be able to write about people who work for a living or attend university or live on their own, without feeling certain that I’ll get it all wrong.
And it will, a few short years away from now, be wonderful. I’m sure.
Glorious even.
But for now…
Well I think I’d like to depend on my family for just a little while more.

Peer Review

The ending. I like how you admit that you don't need to understand the subject right this moment.

You don't always have to know everything. There's a time and a place for everything, so enjoy what you have at the moment.

It's okay to be dependent: enjoy being a kid or you adult (whichever term you prefer) while you can.

Reviewer Comments

I like the insights you provide. One small thing though: the very beginning of the piece is set up like a poem, but then you start using paragraphs. You probably want to have the first few lines combined into one paragraph so that they fit better with the overall style of the piece. Besides that, I think you did a spectacular job with the prompt.