Peer Review by David Levitsky (United States)

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Love note #5; Heartburn

By: Takeacake


PROMPT: Poetry

To Ms. Lopez, the Lovely, Single School Nurse 
From Dooely, Your Recent Patient 

Nurse, I need medical attention! 

What a holy visitation, 
My angel, made of satin. 
My gluttonous heart eats your visage. 

My gluttonous heart swells. 

Stunned by Cupid’s baton, 
I come for medication, 
Bruised, hungry, damaged: 

Don’t let me perish! 

Your ice pack cannot extinguish 
This burning inflammation. 
Oh! The inferno in my chest! 

This aching heart yearns for stimulation. 

Nurse, I am filled with excitation!
Nurse, I am famished! 
Nurse, I cannot rest. 

RE: To Dooely, my recent patient 
From Mrs. Lopez, the Happily Married School Nurse 

You came to me last week, 
A face colored scarlet, 
And clutching your cotton tee, 
You complained of shortness of breath. 

Other symptoms: 
Fever, 
Heart pangs, 
Sweaty palms, 
Desert dry tongue, 
And horrid theatrical acting. 

Oh, what an endeavor 
For such lust is incurable. 
But the flames in your heart will cease 
If you take the Pepto-Bismol


Message to Readers

Open to interpretation for everything from choice of words to the overall mood. Any feedback is welcomed


Peer Review

Sporadic, as it follows the lust of a teenage boy.


Personification and metaphor.


The very first line addressing the nurse. Just from reading that line I knew how funny the rest of the poem was going to be. It sets the tone for a lustful, hilarious poem filled with nurse references and love.


I'm left with laughter and good vibes. This poem made me smile and think about the song "Stacy's Mom", another unforgettable ballad from a boy to an older woman.


Reviewer Comments

This is maybe the funniest poem I've ever read. With your rhyme scheme, nurse and love references, and letter format, you construct a playful yet artful piece of work. Great job!