Peer Review by 18ggill (United States)

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A p o l o g y

By: agustdv


FREE WRITING



‚ÄčThese days, I swear I see you in the slight shift of the curtains and the way the sunlight hits the window pane.


I see you in the smooth waves that come crashing onto the shore, and I see you in the sunflower field wearing your white summer dress, and I see you amongst the faces in the crowd when I spin my golden tunes and the world explodes, and I see you in the whiff of bitter coffee and the syrup of pancakes, and I see you in the way the moon kisses the skyline when it is lonely.


I see you in all these places and moments and I dance to the echo of your whisper when the wind blows, and I apologize.


 


Peer Review

The line that stands out the most to me is, "I see you in the way the moon kisses the skyline when it is lonely." This line is particularly memorable in that the combination of imagery and nature personification just work so well together in crafting a sublime image.


After reading this piece, I am left feeling sympathetic for the speaker, as it seems that he/she is apologizing to a loved one that he/she now sees in everything. In other words, the speaker can't seem to get someone out of his/her mind.


Why does the author use this particular structure with the three sections, the first and third being very short?


Reviewer Comments

Overall, I love the writer's references to grand aspects of nature such as the "waves that come crashing onto the shore" or the moon that "kisses the skyline" as well as his/her references to quite simple things like "the syrup of pancakes". In this sense, the reader attains a sincere idea of just how obsessed with the "you" the speaker is, and the reader can't help but feel sympathetic for him/her. For a future draft, I would love to see the writer just incorporate more images like the one with the moon kissing the skyline. In explanation, more of these grand, personified images of nature will really bolster the piece even more. But ultimately, I did very much enjoy reading this piece, as the author did a very good job at expressing the feelings of a speaker who seems to be in love. Great job!