Peer Review by NightWrite (United States)

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Simply Me

By: DiamondTeniente


FREE WRITING

Why can't I simply love myself?
You are so beautiful they say to me.
But what is beauty? 
Is it the mascara and foundation I apply so faintly? Is it the fake smile I plaster onto my face?
Is it my kind words and optimism that seep out in tones of falsetto?
I am not me.
I am not that smile.
I am not those pretty words and tinkling giggles.
I am the tears and the angry words screamed in an empty car on my way to work. I am the missed sighs in moments of silence.
I am a grieving heart that hasn't forgotten the ones who have long forgotten her.
I am simply me.
The girl that was found under a tree.
The exception to people.
The ultimate ice breaker.
Sorry, I didn't catch your name?
That is because I let you know me before I let you view my mask.
A mask that I threw far away whenever you drew near.
Until I realized, you fell in love with the mask.
When you looked at me you didn't simply see me. You saw what everyone else saw, a happy girl with a pretty face. My heart meant nothing.
I tried to simply be myself but that wasn't beauty.
That was something else.


Message to Readers

This is an interesting piece I want your thoughts on what you honestly think


Peer Review

"I am not me." I like the contradictory sense of this line, because it is assumed that "I" and "me" would be the same, and you show through this line how there are separate sides of a person.


Kind of a hopelessness, knowing that the narrator doesn't believe they can be seen as beautiful if they are truly their self, however they hope that they can.


Is there a way that a few of these details could be better connected with the theme? As in, "The girl that was found under a tree." This rhymes nicely with 'me', but I'm not exactly sure how this kind of detail helps explain your story and point. It's also a little hard for me to understand the meaning of this sentence. Do you mean the girl who can be found under the tree since she likes trees, maybe likes being alone? Or was she literally found, as in she was lost or injured or something else? I would suggest making some of these kinds of slightly vague details a bit more specific, so they can work to help your writing be even better!


Reviewer Comments

This is a great piece because it's very real, and I think a lot of people can connect to the message and themes. I like how the narrator moves from asking to stating and knowing. Keep it up :)