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Message to Readers

Hi guys! I was hoping to get some feedback on the general coherency and flow of the piece. I was wondering if the lack of punctuation and capitalization caused confusion as you read, as well as if the story made sense/you could understand what was happening and follow along. Thank you so much! :)

Indigo Elephants

August 6, 2015

family became the greatest disease
            of my never-ending servitude
so unhealthily enthralled by
            the purple majesties we may
                        call home
I was sick to my core
mama called me dumb
dumb beast I was
with a heart of white
nobody possessed
I was an opprobrium
and she gave me grandiose gunshots
            from the smoking revolver called orifice and a barrel with edges to her feet
that year for Christmas I got a brass dish
            filled with scraps
and peeling tarnish
and promises that sister never held
the ice fell in spears on the windows
                        I imagined making
            hearts red and black from
the reservation of icicle daggers
at fifteen I was told mad with honey
and I can only remember
dripping snaking running coating bathing me
and how it feels when every
sticks in places it should never
lying on the dirt is comforting
            especially so when brother leaves you there
and father
            oh father
won’t come back to fix it
lying on the sand is warm
            especially so when sister forgets
            that she’s have conveniently
buried you there
                        as the family leaves the ocean
lying is a sin
            and I would have disgraced Him if
                        I gave family
like they gave me dust to cry in
I became crazy with the maize that summer
            and together we ran with husks
                        to butt others
            and feet to trample
those hills cut into indigo elephants


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  • August 6, 2015 - 5:36pm (Now Viewing)

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