Peer Review by Katie8 (United States)

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Flight

By: caswin1


FREE WRITING


I timidly peered out the window at the ground far, far below. My hands quaked hard as I desperately pulled myself back into my seat. I closed my eyes and tried to calm down, but to no avail.
Maybe this helicopter tour wasn't the best idea.
I looked over at my friend Marie who had gotten me into this mess. She smiled at me giddily, and then returned her gaze to the window. How could she be happy right now? This was torture! I leaned forward into the cockpit of the helicopter and addressed the captain. I tried to sound confident, but my voice betrayed me with that shaky tremble I get when I am afraid.
“When are we going to land?”
I asked. He looked at me and said,
“I don't know.”
“He what???” I screeched in my head, but I managed to stop it before it escaped my mouth. I swallowed hard and somehow made out
“W-w-why don't y-you know?”
He responded, uncomfortably straight forward,
“Its not my decision.”
I edged my way back into my seat. He couldn't land at any time? What if there was an emergency? Would we just have to crash? What if one of us spontaneously died? What if I just couldn't stand it? What if I just had to get off? I couldn't? I was trapped? This helicopter seemed more and more like a prison every moment I stayed in it. I breathed deeply, and slowly, trying to forget where I was, my horrible situation, but the loud propellers were too overpowering. My calming and regenerative breathing turned into frantic panting, which turned into terrified gasping, but the helicopter just wouldn't land.
Suddenly, the helicopter lurched forward, as if pulled by the wind. The captain looked confused, which was not what I wanted to see right now. I gripped my legs tight as tears streamed down my face. Even brave Marie was scared.
I could see through the front windshield that we were falling from the sky. Not only that, but we were in a collision coarse with a big tree. Marie screamed, and I joined in. Soon even the captain was screaming. The tree came closer,
Closer,
Closer,
And then we hit it. The tree shook, but it didn't snap.
As for all of us in the helicopter, we were pretty hurt. The impact had shaken us up, and the helicopter was badly damaged. We were all hurt, bleeding, and afraid to move for fear of falling. The helicopter was stuck in the tree, partially dangling down, swinging slowly. I built up the courage, and then peeked out the cracked window, which now faced directly toward the ground. I saw that we were in a tree in the park. There were two children standing under us, staring up in awe. I waved at them frantically, and motioned to them to get help, but they just stood and stared. Finally, one of them turned to the other and slapped him.
“You just crashed my new remote control helicopter! I JUST got it!!!”

Just a little story I threw together 'cause I had the idea. I hope you enjoy it! Please check out my other stories, and know that I appreciate comments, likes, and peer reviews, because it tells me not only what you think and that you enjoy my work, but also hat it is simply being read, which makes me feel special.
TYSM!
-Christin

Message to Readers

I always appreciate comments, likes, and peer reviews, because it tells me not only what you think and that you enjoy my work, but also hat it is simply being read, which makes me feel special.


Peer Review

I love the irony of the ending Christin! At first, I thought it was just a scary story (this is not a situation I would ever want to be in), but it is a children's story as the prompt asked!


I feel that this is just a great piece.


What inspired this writing? Also, does it end up being from the point of view of a toy, or what? I'm a little confused when it comes to that aspect.


Reviewer Comments

This is a great story. It is just bursting with details, your characters are grounded in the scene, the plot is amazing, and I just love it! It seemed as if there were a few grammatical errors i.e.: did it not let you tab? The formatting is off. And also, when someone is thinking something ("He What???"), it is usually put in italics instead of quotation marks.

Overall, this is sooo cool!!