Peer Review by AbigailSauble (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?

The Little Pink Bunny

By: Victoria Penning

Little Lizzie Bunny who was five years old, gazed out the window at the frosty cold. 
  She watched the royal coach-mice un-hook the carriage from the white bunnies, who pulled it for the Queen. Lizzie had always wanted to meet the Queen, but she was too young. She was at least allowed to attend the royal balls. Which was why Queen Anne's carriage was sitting in front of Sir Rushton's manor, where the Mid-Winter ball was being held. Then, one of the mice opened the door, which glinted in the lamplight, revealing the Queen! She was dressed in a light blue silk dress, with soft white fabric draped over her shoulders. Her silver crown was stilted with sparkling diamonds and glittered magnificently. As if a dozen tiny stars had fallen from the night sky and embedded themselves in the sterling silver hairpiece. Lizzie gave a little happy sigh. "Lizzie! Come and get dressed" Lizzie's heart leapt with joy. Her new dress was finished! She hopped down the stairs in excitement, and saw it hanging by the fireplace.

   It was a lovely white dress with a full skirt, and a layer of tulle on the top. Little pink roses were embroidered along the neckline. There was even a belt of braided silk sitting low on the waist. Lizzie hopped around in a circle, squealing in excitement. "Oh, it's so pretty mommy!"  Her mother smiled, then moved to help Lizzie dress. "Mama?" "Hmm?" Mrs. Bunny said distractedly, pulling the white skirt over Lizzie's head. "Do you think I'll see the Queen up close tonight?" Chuckling, her mother buttoned the long row of tiny buttons down her daughter's back. "I don't know Lizzie. But I'm friends with one of her servant's. Maybe she can tell Queen Anne that you said hello." 

    A little while later, the Bunny children and their father stood by the door waiting for both Mrs. Bunny and the carriage. Finally, their father opened the back door and called in the direction of the servant's quarters. "Fernando! Where's the carriage?" A small, brown mouse came hopping through the deep drifts of snow, that were taller than him. Emerging from the last pile, he shook the snow from his arms. There was a pile of snow in between his large round ears. Stepping under the eaves of the house he said: "Sire, the-" he was cut off as an avalanche of snow fell from the slanted roof and buried him in the powdery cold. Lizzie and her sister Alice, giggled. Fernando struggled from the snow. His face red with cold and embarrassment. "Ahem! Sire, the carriage is still in the workshop. I'm afraid you and your family will have to hop all the way across the road." "Fernando, no sarcasm." Mr. Bunny scolded. He invited the young mouse in to get warm, then turned to the children, but stopped, and stared upwards. Mrs. Bunny stood on the stair landing, and was beautiful in her teal blue dress with gold and pink roses bunched at her shoulder. The skirt was full, and rustled as she walked. Her light brown fur was lit up beautifully but the teal color. Mr. Bunny opened his mouth, but didn't find the words. As he didn't know what to say. Mrs. Bunny bustled past. "I heard. Alice! Lizzie! Your shawls!"

    As soon as the Bunny family entered the ballroom, the older Bunny children scattered, leaving Alice and Lizzie by themselves. A little while later, Alice bound off to play with her friends, leaving Lizzie by herself. Gawking at the beautiful gowns, and handsome male rabbits. She wandered to a secluded corner she could watch and stay out of the way. "Ladies and gentle-bunnies, if I may have your attention please!" The music died, the chattering ceased. All attention turned to the well dressed rabbit in the doorway. "Dinner is now being served in the banquet hall. The bunnies will be tended by the servants." And with that, he turned and left, and the bunnies were taken to a smaller dining hall, and were fed there.

  All the bunnies talked and chattered, ignoring Lizzie. When the servant's were occupied, she slipped out and into the ballroom. Closing her eyes, she could almost hear the music playing. She opened her eyes, and through her imagination, saw the couples dancing. The ladies elegant dresses swirling as the gentle-bunnies twirled their partners. Raising her arms, Lizzie began to dance. She twirled and floated gracefully across the floor, then raising her arms once more, someone took them, and danced with her. She opened her eyes and gasped. A kindly looking rabbit in a light blue dress, and sparkling tiara, stood in front of her.

  Lizzie bobbed a quick, wobbly curtsy and stared at the Queen in wonder. "Are you all right? You look a little flushed." Lizzie didn't move. "It's all right if you speak to me. I'm not that scary." Lizzie's lips trembled as they parted. "I-I'm..." "It's all right. You can talk to me." She crouched down to see eye-to-eye with the little bunny. "I-I don't want to get in trouble for saying something wrong to the Queen." Queen Anne raised her eyebrows, and still managed to look regal. "You don't have to worry! I love talking to little bunnies. You're all so cute." Lizzie smiled shyly. The Queen glanced down at Lizzie's dress. "You have a lovely dress. Did your mother make it?" "Thank you! Yes she did!" Queen Anne smiled at the girls enthusiastic response. "What's your name?" "Lizzie. I-I mean, Elizabeth Bunny. Everyone calls me Lizzie though." The Queen smiled again. "Well Lizzie, it's very nice to meet you. I have to get back to the banquet, but I hope I'll see you again. Soon." She then stood and glided out of the ballroom, leaving Lizzie alone.

  Late that night, Lizzie lay in bed thinking about her conversation with the Queen. That was one memory that would stay in her heart forever.                

Peer Review

The humor! Because it adds so much to the story, and I love it! :D

No. You did an excellent job in all the details!

Keep up the good work! I love the humor as it adds a lot to the over-all story, and the characters.

Reviewer Comments

Great job on this short-story! My favorite character is definitely Lizzie! Her excitement in meeting the queen, and over her new dress is so addictive! So childlike! :) Again, well done! Keep up the good work! God bless!