Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
"until the colors whisk me away into the night wind and I exist as the remnants of matter. " I feel that it lends me a feeling of weightlessness, and the imagery is also beautiful - in my mind, I envision the colours blurring into a soft, hazy palette that lulls me into the world of daydreams and oblivion.
Humbleness, a reminder that the world is so much bigger and that we are mere specks of matter compared to the universe of dreams and thoughts.
Why must the speaker "bear the weight of a thousand soldiers" in order to fulfil their dreams? I'd love to know what their unique position is.
I found this to be thoughtful and contemplative - which was interesting! I'd certainly look out for the elaboration should you choose to do so ;-) that being said, I am also currently happy with the direction of this piece and think it offers its own special mood with the abstract descriptions.
Hope to see more of your writing!