Peer Review by yapyapxy (Singapore)

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Penny for your Thoughts

By: Logannb1


My mind is spinning around like a carousel Each horse that passes resembles yet another task whisking by as a flash of bright color. I am burdened with more work than I can bear; yet, I must bear the weight of a thousand soldiers or my dreams will remain unfulfilled. This feeling is inconsolable, yet inevitable. I will continue to lay on the floor of the carousel until the colors whisk me away into the night wind and I exist as the remnants of matter. 

Just my general thoughts for the day. I will more than likely elaborate later, but I would enjoy hearing any current responses. 

Peer Review

"until the colors whisk me away into the night wind and I exist as the remnants of matter. " I feel that it lends me a feeling of weightlessness, and the imagery is also beautiful - in my mind, I envision the colours blurring into a soft, hazy palette that lulls me into the world of daydreams and oblivion.

Humbleness, a reminder that the world is so much bigger and that we are mere specks of matter compared to the universe of dreams and thoughts.

Why must the speaker "bear the weight of a thousand soldiers" in order to fulfil their dreams? I'd love to know what their unique position is.

Reviewer Comments

I found this to be thoughtful and contemplative - which was interesting! I'd certainly look out for the elaboration should you choose to do so ;-) that being said, I am also currently happy with the direction of this piece and think it offers its own special mood with the abstract descriptions.

Hope to see more of your writing!