Peer Review by AbigailSauble (United States)

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Music Writings 2

By: Feras Darkblood


    My eyes fill with tears.  She's so beautiful, so perfect, so sad.  It just looks like she's sleeping.  But I know she isn't.  I reach out a trembling hand to lay on her pale cheek.  She doesn't stir.  She never will again.  I remember all the times I would read to her during rainy days in the cave.  I remember her singing, clear and pure as the fresh spring breeze that she would lift herself up on and soar above the clouds.  But now she'll never hold another of the precious birds she loved.  I remember singing her to sleep, and then standing there for a minute, just taking in how much I love her.  My only daughter, dearest daughter.  My sweet little Luna.
    I can feel it building up inside.  I'm getting close to snapping, but I hold it together.  Our eyes meet, and I feel like I'm going to cry.  The one person I loved as my brother, my only brother, stands before me like he did so many times before.  But now, his eyes aren't pools of deep emerald green.  They're a horrible, dead amber, the pupil white as the sun.  I close my eyes and spread my arms into the air by my sides.  An invitation for him to finish what he started.  He killed our sister.  I want him to kill me, to send me to be with her.  I can't live another day knowing that my brother is this monster.  But he doesn't strike me.  His sword drops to the ground.  I open my eyes, and there he is, kneeling before me, crystal tears rolling down his face and falling to the ground.  I know what I have to do.  I pick up his sword and hold it to his throat.  He looks me in the eyes, and his expression is pleading for me to end this.  I bring the sword back, and then stab forward.  I close my eyes just before the blade makes contact with his neck.  He sighs once, and then is silent forevermore. 
    I feel the impact of my black combat boot on the rocky terrain shoot all the way up my leg, jarring my spine.  But I keep climbing.  The wind is howling in cracks and gullies in the stone.  The mountain looms up above and before me.  I look up, but I feel dizzy, and look down again, focusing on where I'm putting my hands and feet as I clamber up the rock face bit by bit.  I'm slowly getting closer and closer to the top, and the sun is slowly beginning to set.  I'm a tiny bit out of breath, the air getting thin around me as I gently place my hands on the edge of an outcropping and haul myself up onto the small ledge.  I stand there for a moment, catching my breath, and continue.  I make progress, slowly but surely making my way up to the summit.  I finally reach the top and take a moment, sitting down on a large stone, facing east so as not to ruin the moment of seeing the sliver moon for the first time.  The golden sunlight fades from the sky, and I turn around.  And there it is.  The sliver moon, shining bluish silver in the sky, just above the west horizon.  It sets, and I sigh.  That is the once in my lifetime I will ever see a sliver moon. 

Message to Readers

The first paragraph was created while listening to Dear Theodosia from the Hamilton soundtrack. It is about my dead daughter from a past life. The second paragraph was written during the Nightcore version of Titanium, and is a past version of me ending a fight with my brother who became a monster. The last paragraph was based on the feelings I See Fire by Ed Sheeran gave me, and it's about someone climbing a mountain to see a rare and breathtaking phase of the moon called a sliver moon. Hope you enjoy!

Peer Review

The entire first paragraph. I can't narrow it down to just one or two sentences. I like it because it tells me what is missing. Something that should be there but isn't.

Sadness, yet some kind of beauty.

Why did you have the mother kill her brother?

Reviewer Comments

I must not have read the first part to this story. Because it's called: "Music Writings 2". Well done with the description of this piece! I could see it all very clearly. Such a sad, touching composition. well done! God bless!