Peer Review by AbigailSauble (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


Hannah

By: RedWriter


PROMPT: Open Prompt

"Jasmine?" I called, running up the stairs. They creaked under my weight, the brown boards of wood loosened from all the times Jasmine and I had ran up them. The house was bright, full of light from all of the burning candles Jasmine loved so much. I huffed and entered our old living room. Old green curtains with patterns to match an even older couch were pulled back so that the sun could come in. Books lined our big shelf spaced like dominos to knock over whenever we felt like. A brown and white globe sat in the corner covered in dust, and a big lamp with a turtle green shade was right next to it. "Jasmine?" I called again, knowing the only other place I could look was the closet. 
Why wouldn't she answer? It had been going on a long while for hide and seek and I hadn't seen her this morning at all. Maybe I had gotten up late, but I had thought I would remember the sound of a screeching owl right in my ear. Now that i think about it, I hadn't heard the sound of a screeching owl this morning at all, and I had never slept through it before... frowning, I walked forward slowly. Had someone come by, cut the wires? I pulled down on the lamp's chord and the blindingly bulb flickered to life. "Jasmine turned it off," I realized, my tounge like lead. Why would she do such a thing? 
She of all people had to know I hated to miss breakfast time and sleep until lunch. I pushed open the white door of the closet and flicked the switch. It was just how I had left it yesterday- socks paired randomly instead of with their matches, a dress I had never wore hung up by a dress I would never wear again. Old dress shoes I hadn't been able to wear lately, boxes full of things, and a couple of hangers that held up old hand-me-downs. I looked down- perhaps I caught it in the corner of my eye. It was small too- a white square of paper on the slightly dirtier white carpeted floor. I don't know why I had seen it, but I did. Almost as if I was frozen in time I stared at it blankly for a whole minute. I don't remember blinking if I had blinked at all. Slowly, almost afraid to touch it I grasped it. And opened the corner... and read Jasmine's handwriting.
'If you should be reading this then I've already left. Count yourself fortunate- you are the first and last person I shall leave a message to. Do not search for me Hannah, it is best I leave. Perhaps one day, we may meet again under your yellow umbrella. '


Peer Review

It is sad, yet full of unanswered questions.


The describing words. Letting me see the entire house, and letting me think what Hannah is thinking.


I need more background behind this story. Or have this as a flash-back?


Reviewer Comments

Excellent job! Are you going to continue with this story? I hope you do! :) Keep up the good work! God bless!