Peer Review by yapyapxy (Singapore)

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Autumn

By: SashSash


PROMPT: Living Locales

I strolled through the piles of bright orange leaves, covering the ground like a golden carpet, illuminated by the few strings of sun that managed to reach through the shadows of the branches. The cool breeze rustled the canopies of the towering trees and carried birdsong through the forest. I never really managed to spot the birds, it was as if they were ghosts amid the shadow, just the pure sound of their souls remaining, heard among the quiet rustle. From now and then, a falling leaf imitated the flight of a finch, being picked up by the breeze, that now smelt of autumn, and eventually landing onto the golden heaps. The forest breathed, hummed and glistened with fall.


Message to Readers

A writing task for English class... It's a bit cliché, but I brought a little originality in it, that I like.


Peer Review

"illuminated by the few strings of sun"

I felt that it painted an idyllic, gentle portrait of sunlight - quite apt for autumn!


Timelessness; I can imagine myself there (although there's no autumn where I live, I've seen pictures and movies) and the peace of being alone with a moment is a surreal, magical feeling that eliminates all sense of time.


Reviewer Comments

On the whole, I enjoyed the piece a lot because autumn is my favourite season; I felt that this piece really lifted the autumn scene to the state of a sentient, breathing creature. :')

It's just a suggestion but perhaps the writer can consider writing this in the present tense. I think that may better capture the feeling of being there at that instant in time, amplifying the magic of the moment.

Additionally, to better bring out the effect upon the speaker, perhaps it may be fitting to include more descriptions of the mood and atmosphere . Maybe auditory or sensory descriptions, or just to elaborate on the rich visuals. For instance, I wonder how does the leaf land "onto the golden heaps" - is it soundlessly, gently, or immediately camouflaging with the heaps upon descent?

I felt that this was a thoughtful and sweet tribute to autumn; I hope to read more of your pieces on WTW! Happy writing :-)