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Mehak T

Australia

Message to Readers

i would like critical feedback please

The fading voice

May 19, 2017

FREE WRITING

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                                                             1. get into a fight with Bill Williams 

''Laura are you seriously going to take that dumb dare?!'' I put my cap back on bringing it down to look like a hidden criminal. I start walking. " Laura i will never forgive you please just listen to me!" I stop for a sec, "being here will not change anything." I argue. " and if no one does anything we will all be kneeling down at her begging for freedom." Laura just listen to me I.." I walk past him cutting his sentence. He stares at me while his jaw is half open as if I hadn't heard anything. I pick up my bag and open the door as the bright light hits my face. I take my first step out side "LURA! WAIT!" I don't look back, I keep on walking as I hear my friends voice shouting behind me. As I keep walking his voice slowly become silent and an echo in my head. Tears run down my cheeks. My friend who probably will never forgive and might be the last time I ever hear his voice.

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  • May 19, 2017 - 10:24pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • Gail -u-

    I am very confused and have no idea what is going on.
    I think you should describe the Narrator's feelings more and split the text into more paragraphs so the words aren't too cluttered.


    4 months ago