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Ringo9745

United States

New writer looking to get used to the feel of creating new and original stories.

Message to Readers

Any feedback is welcomed! I am new here, so anything will help!

Humu

July 28, 2015

Humu doesn't sit still, not even for a second. Life in the "City of Judgement" doesn't ever lend men or women time to rest, at least not any that isn't scheduled. What else would be expected with a militaristic state based on the principles of Darwin's evolutionary theroies? The city itself plays the game of rank. With every commendable act, the city grows to new heights, literally. Floor after floor are added with every rank earned, which doubles as a sign of social status. Step out of place, and your home comes crumbling down. Only the strongest can thrive!

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  • July 28, 2015 - 12:07am (Now Viewing)

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2 Comments
  • Grace Mary Potts

    Just a small note: I suggest (and keep in mind that this is only a suggestion) altering the exclamation point on the last sentence to a full stop. See how it changes the tone for you, if it does at all. I just feel that it might help the flow of the piece and give it a greater sense of finality.


    over 2 years ago
  • Grace Mary Potts

    This is interesting! It manages to provide just the right amount of information for it to be suitably long, while teasing for a deeper and far more complex story. You definitely have me intrigued!


    over 2 years ago