My life is comprised of inconsistencies, daydreaming, procrastination techniques and occasionally, writing.
As I have now turned nineteen, I will no longer be posting on this site. If anyone is curious to read any of my latest work, you can find my writing here: https://medium.com/@GraceMaryPotts
Written By: Grace Mary Potts
July 25, 2015
Why do I feel this ache? This pain in my belly that churns and pulls at the muscles of my abdomen like some wretched thing. My arm is bent, clutching around my waist as though to force the discomfort away. This, and the repeated clenching of my jaw, are the only signs I permit to tell of my quiet suffering.
I breathe in deeply through my nose, air whistling quietly, and then relax my jaw, letting out a breath that shudders with its pained release. I blink slowly and breathe again, trying somewhat desperately to regain some semblance of control over my disturbed body. The ache stays, refusing to part from me as though it were a parasite sinking its teeth into my stomach wall. Of course, the way my arm is wrapped so fiercely around my middle is unlikely to be helping. So perhaps if I were to remove it I would feel better, though the thought makes me itch, because this has always been a bit of a nervous tick of mine.
Whenever I’m shy or uncertain about a situation, I have always managed to subconsciously wrap my right arm around my waist. Upon reflection I’ve decided that when I was younger it was my way of channelling my discomfort in a situation, by focusing my worries in the clenching of my arm, I manage to maintain relaxed muscles in my face. God I was a weird kid.
Wait – no. Weird isn’t the right word.
I was shy.
Though being shy was never a bad thing. I’d never say that. I’ve always absolutely hated the negative perception people seem to have when it comes to those who aren’t as comfortable with people as the rest of society. This being because it used to make me feel like something was wrong with me. Which was an awful feeling.
No, being shy wasn’t - isn’t - a bad thing.
It just meant - means - that I was - am - always nervous.
Not unlike how I feel right now.