Peer Review by Jeremy Houle (United States)

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Atomic Smile

By: Haleistorm


FREE WRITING

I threw my weapons down last night,
When I saw you smiling under those stage lights.
I think my heart is still in shock,
From feeling so much joy at once. 

Darling, I never stood a chance,
Against that atomic smile of yours.
What strength of heart I thought was mine,
You obliterated with golden light.

Yet I, seated in the shadows,
Shone brighter than you.
I felt the heat of the blast
Shatter the armor around my heart.

You blew away my foundations,
My steel supports, my roof.
My god, there's nothing left of me
But your smoldering silhouette.

Is this what love should feel like?
Not the quiet spells I've known.
Not turned backs and unsaid goodbyes,
But an unstoppable force of nature.

It all burned away so fast,
There was no time to be afraid.
No time to do anything but burn,
And hope you find me in the aftermath. 

This is for one reader of mine. One of like five. But the one that means the most. This is for you.

Peer Review

Mmm. I particularly like the line "Is this what love should feel like?" because it provides the necessary contrast to this poem, like sweet and salty.


I remember the girl I'm still experiencing radiation poisoning from. The last stanza drops me into a happy state of timelessness, my mind having assumed the position of you, waiting in timelessness for the One to find me.


Well of course my curiosity is piqued about, well, you and Mr. Atomic and your future. Perhaps write a poem later about how well you are recuperating?


Reviewer Comments

The fourth stanza is my favorite because it reflects on other opposite loves, summed up as 'unsaid goodbyes.' How eternally haunting those are, don't you agree?

The last two lines of the poem seeped into my brain like a well seasoned brine. Honestly, I'n finding it really hard to put my feelings into words.
Hopeful hopelessness. Fiery endurance.

Hope Mr. Atomic finds you!