Peer Review by Adaline G. (United States)

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Tendrils

By: amalahmed1008


FREE WRITING

1:Of Anxiety
A terrible tendril of anxiety
I couldn't move
Through the daily debacle
I wanted to be unstuck

I couldn't move
Everything was dark
I wanted to be unstuck
Hands quickly quivering

Everything was dark
Pulsing heart
Hands quickly quivering
Fidgety fingers, sweaty palms

Pulsing heart
Through the daily debacle
Fidgety fingers, sweaty palms
A terrible tendril of anxiety

2:Of Comfort
A twinkly tendril of comfort
I sunk in
Forgetting all my frets
Everything was okay

I sunk in
Tiny little hand squeezes
Everything was okay
1,2,3, breathe

Tiny little hand squeezes
Slippery tears slide away
1,2,3 breathe
I smiled

Slippery tears slide away
Forgetting all my frets
I smiled
A twinkly tendril of comfort

3:Of Calm
A tranquil tendril of calm
No words said
Heartbeats heard
Eyes fluttered shut

No words said
Little circles rubbed
Eyes fluttered shut
Not a single thought

Little circles rubbed
The safety of silence
Not a single thought
Everything was okay

The safety of silence
Heartbeats heard
Everything was okay
A tranquil tendril of calm
 


Message to Readers

comments please!


Peer Review

"The safety of silence" is one of my favorite lines, just because I like how it sounds. But in each section there was a specific line that stood out because it was repeated multiple times. For example, in Part 1, it would probably be "a terrible tendril of anxiety". Not only is this line repeated, but it is the beginning and ending.


I was left feeling satisfied by the end, because there is development through the poem. This is clear, even just by looking at the subtitles.


What inspired this piece? How did you decide to break it into three distinct parts?


Reviewer Comments

I felt there were good literary devices in here, that blended(meaning they actually worked in the story-that you didn't just add them in cause- and transitioned smoothly. I especially liked your repetition.
One thing I'm not sure about it the repetition of alliteration. There aren't any rules that say you can't combine two literary devices in one, but I felt that was already fantastic repetition and alliteration without it.

I really enjoyed this poem. I thought it was pretty unique to split the poem into three parts, but it totally worked. I hope my comments help!
-Adaline G.