Peer Review by Vanilla (India)

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Captured Feelings

By: amalahmed1008


FREE WRITING


She wanted to take those hours, minutes, seconds of radiating warmth
    to hold on to the feeling of a hand in hers
        Cautiously she shoved it in her bottle.
She wanted to keep those moments of tears being wiped away
    of arms so big and warm, squeezing her till she smiled
        So, cautiously, she shoved it in her bottle.
She lays in bed at night
    Bottle tucked away
    Snuggling up with feelings she wants to stay
And in the dark she’ll hold it tight
While tiny tears trickle
She’ll unscrew the cap a little
So she’ll say goodnight
And close her eyes
Letting captured feelings tickle.


Peer Review

Honestly, I couldn't choose. If I do, I would be doing injustice to the other lines. There is something about the first line that intrigues and fascinates me, something about the repeated lines that move me, and something about the last line that completes the jigsaw of the meaning inside my head.


Sympathetic, and grateful. It feels like something one can relate to when we sleep next to a close one or even miss them.


Is there someway that you can expand this piece? How else would you describe captured feelings? Would this bottle be full?


Reviewer Comments

The poem is very true and moving. The way the lines have been indented create a subtle flow that helps the poem. There are some deep metaphors and references and alliteration that complete it as a poem! I look forward to read more.
Keep writing!