Peer Review by AminahMcBina (United States)

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Finding Da Wae: Da Beginning

By: PineappleGirl


FREE WRITING

If I could, I would completely change my life. I would be popular, I would have amazing grades, I would be pretty, I would have two parents, not three. And most off all, my parents wouldn't be divorced. And even though I like my stepmom, sometimes we get into fights, me and my actual mom however. We are inseparable. My parents, they are constantly fighting. And that kinda kills me. But whatever. Allow me to tell you what my life would be like if I could choose. I would be a straight A student, I would have red long hair with bangs (my hair would wavy) and freckles, I would be taller, I would be popular, I would be cool, I would have blue eyes. But in reality I am a straight B and C student with brown curly hair, brown eyes, and a face that has a couple of pimples on it. God help me. I always slip up, I can't do anything. I so desperately want to be a journalist. That's like my life goal. And thats were I will end up. But my biggest dream, the dream that I don't want to come true, but I do think about. Is becoming a singer. I'm okay. I thought I was okay but... I can write songs though. I think. I hope. Again: God help me. Okay I kinda wanna prove I wrote a... chorus of a song. So here it is: 
I just wanna be right here
Next to you and in your tears
I just wanna be right here
On the coldest night of the year
Bad right?


Message to Readers

-- Fiona Kelly


Peer Review

"And most of all my parents wouldn't be divorced." This line stands out to me, because all my life I've been in the middle of a family feud, and just wish my family were together and happy. I've never known my father, and have been in foster care, so I guess I have more than one parent. *shrugs*


So at first, I was feeling sorry for the writer, but when I read the chorus, I smiled because it was actually good!


What (or who) inspired you to write this?


Reviewer Comments

Never stop writing!
-Mina