A 16 year old girl who is really passionate about her writing and making stories come alive.
I personally don't think this is as good as Lunch with the Devil since I realized I can't write sequels or prequels very well to make it interesting. So I'd like for you to compare what made this better or worse. And the dialogue, characters, the complexity, and maybe some things you miss that the first story did better. Also please say how you felt reading it, whether you disliked it or liked it!
Written By: Phoebe
July 14, 2015
The devil had the chance to become an 'angel' for once. What foolishness.
The angel had thrown down a watch, displaying a woman. She is white, with pearly skin. Her golden hair falls gently down her shoulder, and she smiles with her heart shaped lips. The epitome of beauty, some mortals would say.
But I see nothing but plainness. Looks meant nothing. It was the soul that mattered.
My hands circled the watch. A name appeared in bright white letters, ELIZABETH. The watch displayed the time ticking until her death. Which seemed to be quite soon. A few weeks? Even more boring. Why would you waste time on someone half dead?
Even the name wasn't interesting. I rolled my eyes. "How does this interest me, angel? I'm half tempted to rip off your wings for appearing before me."
The angel smiled. "I'd like to say, that this a prime opportunity for you. Once again, her soul is very precious. If you can do something to save her-"
I thrust my power upon him as his face froze and his mouth was agape. These angels did whatever they wanted. “Listen, if you aren't going to get to the point. I will kill you. I will parade you around in the deepest, fiery, pits of hell."
I released him, as the angel choked on the air, swallowing air like food. I chuckled as the angel glared.
“Offer a bargain with this woman, and save her soul." The minute those words came out of his mouth, I couldn't help the laughs that shook my body. The angel gritted his fast, but, I couldn't help it. This angel was so funny.
I cleared my laughs before speaking. “Look, say what do I get out of 'saving' this human? I'm a devil. I won't save her soul. I imprison them. Darken them." I had to close my eyes, as power rushes through my veins. Souls did always get me a little frenzied.
I breathed trying to rein myself in. Something is strange here, nonetheless. “Why are you even here? This could get you dragged down to hell too."
The angel merely smiled again, ignoring my questions. “Her soul will call out to you, like many others. When it does, you can choose to answer the call, or not. You'll see. You'll definitely see."
Then poofed in mid air, and I waved my hand in my face. I always do hate when they do that. And they were so condescending. Why would answer one mortal's call?
Yet, hearing her voice, her tearful voice...
How could I resist?
I sit on my bed, cradling myself. My mother was worried about me, and furious about Rachel. But I couldn't hear her. I was listening. Listening to the memories of the past. Of how Rachel loved me. Or when Rachel would look at me like I was her entire-
“Your thoughts are very boring." I jerked around to see a man in a polka doted red and black suit, with a black tie. A scream built in my throat, but nothing came out. Instead like a puppet, my legs began to move themselves to the side of the bed, to sit in front of the man.
My body was glued to the bed. His gaunt eyes gave off a yellow glow. My heart pounded.
He titled his head. “You think over a thousand years humans act differently, but no." He waved his hand, and something unlocked in my jaw.
“You’re...you're the devil." Rachel always told me your soul sings to him Was my soul singing to him? Rachel was very religious, so I thought she was just being over dramatic. But to think it was the truth? Among other things she thought about people.
The devil hummed as he smirked. “Obviously. From the deepest parts of hell, to the scum filled earth. Now, Elizabeth. Can I offer you a bargain?"
I was about to speak before my jaw locked again. I glared at him as he wagged his finger.
“Now think clearly. I give you a chance. A chance for pure love. A chance for Rachel." Now I found my ears tuning in, scooping up the words. My heart throbbed. I didn't want to hear about any offer about her.
The devil leaned closer to me, eye to eye. “Your soul will go to hell if Rachel doesn't want to give up her soul for you. But I won't take her soul. It shows 'true love'. It's a little gamble we can play. To see if love can truly save the soul. What do you say?"
My jaw unlocked, but I looked down to my hands. All those moments, all those times...they weren't nothing. They were everything. Every moment and kiss was like a new world for me. And it couldn't have been one sided. Kissing her, as our lips melded together perfectly, and just laugh sent chills down my spine...
And then I knew my choice.
There Elizabeth lies, pale and in the ground. Like a broken porcelain doll as her mother cries over her grave. Was there ever any wonder?
Wonder about how deep, hatred lies in humans? Humans are the most hateful species. And that is why they deserve to rot in hell fire.
In the end, her soul was not saved. But destoryed. Her pure soul, gone. The angel just led her into a tragedy. He put too much faith in that 'Rachel'.
I could feel her emotions rush through me. The pain. The anger. All of the emotions, especially the regret. Am I, the devil really the worst monster of all? I should be scared of the real monsters.
A prequel to Lunch with the Devil. So that Lunch with the Devil becomes more complete, since people were left wondering. Which was my intention!