Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
This piece is extreamly personal to me. My father died almost three years ago (July 30, 2014) of non hodgkin's burkitt's lymphoma. I wrote this because it is a huge part of me, something that affects me daily. Please share your thoughts!
The last line!
I could visualise the scene clearly in my mind. It was a closure, of sorts, of the father's suffering...though the passing of a loved one hurts the ones who love him the most.
How did you get over his death? Is it possible to?
Thank you for sharing such a personal story, it must've taken quite some courage to do so! I hope the memory is not as painful as it used to be.
This personal piece evoked my own sentiments of regret for not spending more time with my grandfather. I loved its cohesiveness and flow, and the repetition of how the same colour white manifests in so many different moments.
Apart from some minor grammatical errors (was "fathers" a stylistic thing? I'm not sure because some writers like to skip the apostrophe), a suggestion would be to have some paragraphing for the ease of reading. Perhaps you can consider turning it into a poem (this is a minor, minor suggestion), with the repetition of "I remember" because I feel that the imagery might be better emphasised, but that's just an idea!
Another suggestion would be to think of how the narrator can describe the colour white in various ways in order to create a more striking imagery - the starkness of bright, white bedsheets, maybe, or the glossy white icing. I feel that might aid the readers in better understanding the narrator's moods as the piece progresses - especially if they begin to see white in a pallid, sickly hue (versus pure, or clean).
Keep up the good work and all the best in your writing endeavours! (I hope the suggestions didn't sound too harsh!)