brieallen

United States of America

a queer girl's love letter

April 15, 2017

i have discovered the best method of burning
it is fast
and all at once
two birds diving down
singing a song that stings like ice on cool skin
as they loop and crash, bumping into each other
trying to stumble into the others rib cage

if you've ever put a lid over a lit candle
you will probably understand
when i met her, she whispered to me, “to the stars”
and i gave her a smile so stupid, already falling into a kaleidoscope of our birthstones and glitter glue
i swear that day i felt like i had a dragon fly so sweet humming within my lungs
it’s properly shaped wings shamed my own which had long collapsed

and what magic it is
how i allowed myself to twist inside out to work miracles for a crooked tooth smile
yet after all she is my nymph and has too much magic in one nail for me to complain
how could you complain about a lady's finger stew for two
a rub on my back
and a sparkle on the new wings that she has given me
sometimes i will kiss her hand just to know that she’s real
to feel the skin, the blue veins, the bone
the palace of the sun is still alive and awake with every brush of skin on skin
it fills with light and screaming colors
and the 1439 stars that we share between ourselves

she swears on a toy Doll, on Saturn and Venus
my sunshine girl promises me this is real
hesitant hands glide over each other like branched coral
careful not to break the most hazardous fragility  
sometimes she breaks me in her absence
for a second she is with me and my sky is a magenta haze

then the clock ticks on and somewhere a teacher twirls a globe
she is nowhere once more
a simple stranger in the hallways
a girl with a boyfriend
a girl who doesn’t like girls
who doesn’t like me

and i am witness to a shapeshifting locust grove cemetery
where i am probably the only thing alive
and still
i am unsure about that too
she is a vacancy
a beautiful one
but still an empty space
the weight of humidity on skin
if you've ever put a lid over a lit candle
you will probably understand

 

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