Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
The characters, the flow, the dialogue, how you felt reading the story. I think I'm trying to work on making the characters more complex too, so tell me how complex you think they are. And of course, tell me how you felt because I really love when people give their opinions on my story, good or bad. :)
It's a short story about this girl named Rachel struggling to make the right decision: marry her fiance Matthew or try to rekindle her love with Liz.
You did a great job executing twists and subtle reveals. Really, I can't imagine a way you could've done them better.
I indicated the place where I specifically felt confused. Mainly, the mother yelling at the narrator. I'm just not sure how/why she knows it's all Rachel's fault. As, when Liz is crying and telling Rachel not to leave, is that a memory from her past or a hint at her future death?
I'm not really sure how complex these characters are. We don't get to learn that much about Liz or Matthew or even the devil, so I can't say they're that complex. Rachel has a mild complexity. She has conflicting emotions and motivations, which are always good. Then again, we don't learn too much about her personality, save that she's stubborn yet weak-willed and is reasonably good at faking confidence. But is showing off her personality that vital to the story or the message your conveying to your readers? I really don't think it is.
Despite some confusion and grammar flaws, I love this story.
As I've stated fifty times all over this review, you did a good job slowly revealing information to the reader. The reveals didn't come out of no where but they weren't a forgone conclusion either.
Also, my thoughts while reading are indicated with brackets.