Peer Review by David M. (United States)

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Tension In The Car

By: Suri Purefoy


FREE WRITING

I want to crawl in a deep, dark hole where all the sounds of life vanish and are replaced with the constant dripping of damp liquid that hangs in drops from the cavern ceiling. I want to look away and not see or hear anything, but it's hard. And pretty much impossible.

There they are. Each of them sit on a different seat in the old, tall, 15 passenger van. Mom in the passenger. Dad in the driver's. 

I can almost taste the resentment and tension in the air; that heavy gloom that shifts in the air between the two adults. Those emotions are so plain, yet they are out of focus. The ones I can immediately spot are usual: annoyance. Stress. Worry. Anxiety. Anger. 

They've just had another one of their occasional fights. It's never anything bad or too serious, actually, it's never even a fight. It's more of an argument about something little, even the most triffle thing. Theire worst, in my opinion, was when Mom and Dad argued some about financial things. But, usually, they're just little baby disagreements. Like them not agreeing on where we should go hiking or whether or not we should do this or that. See? That's it. No biggy. 

But, whenever they begin the "fight", worry firmly plants intself in my chest, drowning me in unreliable and strange mim-nightmares when that itty bitty thing leads off into a string of bigger things, then turning into something terrible. I imagine them being...disconnected. My mind goes wild then, making up crazy scenes of where they yell at each other. I can hear them; their voices full of annoyance and their feet stomping on the floor. I can see it so plainly, it's scary. 

And I hate it.

I keep telling myself, "It's just your crazy worst-case-scenario mind freaking out." But sometimes I can't seem to convince myself of that.  

Now I just have to keep my cool so I'm not the reason that the cituation turn ugly. 



Message to Readers

Let me know what you think! =D


Peer Review




Reviewer Comments

This is actually a very nice story. I ended up nitpicking a lot of grammar things, but that's because you don't have any larger issues for me to focus on! You really do a great job of capturing the feeling of "tension in the car" and all the worry and stress and anxiety that comes out of that. Look at the grammar stuff, and some redundant words, but overall, very well done!