Peer Review by Ash (United States)

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Who is she

By: Monica

PROMPT: Polar Opposite


Who is she

    “Boring.”, she barked out, piercing threw the once silent room. Everyone giggled, finding humor in her overwhelming personality. I cringed, that`s funny? The very thought gave me chills. “What, not funny enough?”, she yelled over to me. I shook my head going on with my work.

    “Lame.”, she screamed tumbling around the room. “Look at her.”, they laughed, pointing in amusement. I sat on the bench continuing my algebra. “Hey, look at me. I'm way more important than some dumb old algebra homework. I rolled my eyes going along with my work.

    “Who cares?”, she shouts walking out the class, the room erupting in frantic cheers. “Woah did you see what she just did?”, classmates laughed. “Cool right?”, other asked. I sigh, my mind thinking back to the rest of my assignments.

    When the bell rung and the crowds piled out the door, I made my way into the bathroom. The bathroom lights flickered as the stalls circulation made a mystical roar. “Hey.”, I murmured out.  “What?”, she said pushing her hair behind her ears, jolting her hand to her scrawny hips. “You don`t-.”, I started, but something strange happened.

Her nose, it was bleeding. I watched as the blood trickled down, making its way to her lips. She gasped. “Whats going on?”,she yelled facing the mirror. Her hair once dyed with a strand of maroon dissolving off, revealing her natural black hair. “Don`t you get it?”, I asked facing towards the girl. “How could you miss it?”, I continued. She ignored me, her features slowly fading in. Her natural eyes burning through her contacts, her fake nails ripping off and her sleazy make up drooping off.

“What`s going on, why is this-hey, you're glowing.”, she said facing towards me, her eyes wide. While she fell apart, I rose. My features illuminating the tiny bathroom. “W-why are you glowing?”, she ask. “Unlike you, I am me. The real me, I dont need people cheering me on, I dont need peoples opinions or even an audience for that matter. Your very existence is people, and now that you are actually you, there won't be as many people.”, I admitted. “What does that mean?”, she ask, backing up into a corner. “Your becoming nothing.”,I whisper out, and before she can reply, before she can sass me, she disappears. Her body caving in on itself, poof.



Message to Readers

I love lots of feedback. Thanks for the awesome comments and I hope to write something else soon.

Peer Review

I like the line, "How could you miss it?" It shows how the main character isn't particularly kind to those who are mean to her, she's rather bright, and she doesn't think of herself of highly intelligent.

I rolled my eyes, going along with my work - This character doesn't really care if people are being jerks to her or not: she's task oriented. When she starts something, she finishes it, no matter what.

Reviewer Comments

Just some small grammar and spelling issues. As for plot and characters, something a lot harder to fix, you did great. I love the polar opposite you created!