Mae Bea

Canada

Message to Readers

Hello! This is my first attempt at writing fiction, so any feedback would be greatly apprecatied (especially if the grammar or phrasing is confusing at times, that’s something I’m working on)! Hope you like it :)

Of Vultures and Vermin

August 5, 2022

The instant he fell, we descend on him like vultures on the dead.

The man was blind-drunk, unconscious on the filthy pavement. A serene halo cast by the bar’s neon lights outlined his shape as if he was an angel, dazed from his fall.

But he was far from holy, and we were more than onlookers.

Scrawny hands worked familiar routes and snagged everything they could find. For some, these stolen trinkets seemed worthless; but for us, they mean one more day alive.

For in this place, honour is a luxury for the rich.

Here, only vermin survive.

Print

See History
  • August 5, 2022 - 9:23pm (Now Viewing)

Login or Signup to provide a comment.

2 Comments
  • wicked_annabella

    I cannot believe this was your first attempt fiction. The darkness of this place you created was conveyed seamlessly through not only your elegant imagery but also through the haunting tone of your writing. That first sentence was **chef's kiss** and I didn't catch any grammar mistakes except for perhaps the lack of indents in the paragraphs but I'm pretty sure that was a stylistic choice. All in all, a brilliant piece without a single weak link.


    2 days ago
  • lupine

    this is so good! i love the imagery here and i especially like how you've really allowed the reader to feel fully immersed in the action, particularly in the 4th paragraph!


    2 days ago