Peer Review by The Dying Rose (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


By: Extrasweet

    The waves crash against my knees. Just with a simple slice, a broken seashell cuts my knee, making the water swirl with blood red. I quickly get out of the water, grasping the shell that cut me tight in my hand.
    I storm back home and tell my mom. “A worthless broken shell cut my knee! I hate it!”
    Mom shakes her head. “No, it’s worth something. It cut your knee, after all.” She replies.
    I stare at her. “But it’s just a shell.”
    Mom nods as if that explained everything.“Exactly.”

Message to Readers

Hi everyone! Good luck for anyone who’s entering!

Peer Review

I really love how this piece starts with a seemingly mundane topic - being cut by a seashell - and then introduces a deeper meaning of the event. The line ' “No, it’s worth something. It cut your knee, after all.” ' really resonated with me - it made me think as well as giving this piece a deeper meaning. Wonderful job!

Again, I think you did really wonderfully with the line “No, it’s worth something. It cut your knee, after all.” This line gives you the idea that even things that hurt you are worth something, but you don't elaborate on why those things aren't worthless, leaving it up to the reader to think of the answer. I think that you did very well with this aspect!

To me, the way you started your piece with the word "shells" and then jumped to a paragraph in the ocean felt a little abrupt. Perhaps add a little bit more detail about the shells? For example, are they lying on the ocean floor, floating around the narrator, etc? I'm conscious of the 99-word limit (it's giving me grief currently lol) so if you don't have room for all of this, that's totally fine! If that is the case, another thing you could do is remove the word entirely.

This is a really thought-provoking piece, and a very well written first draft! I can't wait to see the second draft! Best of luck in the competition!

Reviewer Comments

Of course, feel free to use/not use my suggestions as you like; this is YOUR piece, after all! I hope this helps!
Have a good day/night!