Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Robots are really cool. I didn't know that such cheap commercial robots existed, and your lively writing style adds to the intrigue and answers some of my questions.
Your prose style is pretty effective, but this feels unfinished because I don't know the greater significance of Kuri. What are the concerns abour privacy with robots in the home? What do customers say about Kuri? What do market analysts say about Kuri? Where does Mayfield Robotics come from? What do the creators say about Kuri? Can Kuri get annoying? What technology does Kuri have inside her? I would love to understand more of the big picture in terms of robots--and while this isn't exactly foreign correspondence, it's more like a tech report, there's still lots of interesting things to write about.
Has Kuri changed how you live? (
You've found something really interesting to write about. As you work on the draft and show how it's a 'current event' and relevant, it will only improve.
1. You spend a lot of time describing what Kuri can do. Can you spend more time describing the context and controversy of AI in the home?
2. This isn't a 'event', it's a thing, which is okay, but some dates would be interesting.
3. At least one of your sources is the company which sells Kuri. Remember, it's biased. There's a press section of that site, maybe look at some of those articles?
4. It would be great if you had quotes from creators and users of Kuri if you can find them. I believe that Kuri hasn't been released yet, so maybe explain why you're writing about it.
5. Can you give us a sense of place in this piece. That's what makes foreign correspondence great. Kuri could be anywhere, but how is she changing the socioeconomic landscape? What do different countries think of Kuri?
6. Why is the information in your article in this order? I'm not saying it's illogical--it's in fact very easy to follow--but think about transitions. Try to see it from the readers point of view, who has not done as much research as you.
7. What is your tone in this piece? Is it consistent?
this is a really enjoyable piece to read. It's a great start, and I love all the little examples, which really bring the piece to life.