Peer Review by David Levitsky (United States)

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The Me I Wish I Was

By: Z

PROMPT: Polar Opposite

The boys jeered at the teacher who announced that they had no homework over the weekend. They make loud laughing and undefinable noises as if taunting the teacher. Several other boys, unaffiliated with the group of snorting animals, joined in on the fun. Soon almost all of the boys were in on the rukus, almost. One boy sat in class still waiting  for the bell to ring and to so he could get outta class, Ted. "Then you have Ted just sitting there praying for more homework" one of his classmates taunt. Everyone laughs, but he just sits there, uncaring. The bell rings and the students head out of class towards the buses. George, an... acquaintance of Ted who joined in on the activities of the pigsty in the room, asked "why do you want more homework nerd" not realizing that the joke had already come and pass. "I don't want more homework, you guys are just  too loud" he replied. "Don't be such a killjoy Nerdy ol' pal. Nobody will like you. You talk to nobody. You work like nobody's business. Nobody will remember you at this rate" he said half-jokingly. Ted got a look in his eye, uncaringly he said "I don't care. I'm introvertic and I don't like to talk to other people. I'm not gonna try to be something I'm not and be loud like you retarded pigs just so I get a couple hoots from the other boys. I won't act like a freak just because a freak will get attention. If I disappear from people's memories, then what do I care. If I'm remembered it'll be because I'm me." He walked away, George with his mouth wide open like the buffoon he is.

Message to Readers

Idk I kinda just wanted to vent... point out anything you didn't like or any structural/grammatical errors i made pl0x and thank you.

Peer Review

I really liked the straight-talking nature of Ted. When his "buddy" George pricks Ted for being silent in class, Ted's response, charged with emotion and gravity, yet delivered with a steady and "uncaring" manner, captures the essence of Ted's character. Ted isn't afraid to share his unfiltered thoughts, and that is what I like most about him.

Putting the reader in the scene of a noisy classroom is a great hook that grabs attention immediately. Personally, I know what a rowdy class looks and sounds like, so I especially liked the opening descriptions of the class. Juxtaposing Ted from the rest of the class sets up a conflict which ends up being the crux of the story. One suggestion for going forward with this story might be spreading the dialogue of the mean classmates. So, starting with "Don't be such a killjoy," perhaps give each taunt its own line of dialogue spoken by different kids in the class. It could add to Ted's feeling being surrounded by the taunts. Formatting can really enhance the meaning that a story can hold, so going forward think of how you can arrange your words to add meaning to the story. Finally, the long speech by Ted at the end hammers at George and leaves the reader speechless as Ted lays down some deep words that make us think of ourselves, since we've all been in a situation of not being in the majority.

Reviewer Comments

In the first sentence, were the boys jeering because the teacher didn't give them homework? I think you might have meant because they did have homework. Besides that small detail, I could follow the story well. All in all, this was quite good as it displayed raw emotion in an ironically calm and controlled way, and it put the reader in a situation that was relate-able. Going forward, explore with the formatting of the story and of other work you write, I think it'll really increase the powerful impact that your writing already has on readers.