Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
I wrote this for my best friends husband he has it hanging in his squads living quarters. He says his men look at it everyday and are thankful to have it. Just thought I would share it with you guys this poem means the world to em and any comments or questions please feel free to ask. Thanks
"but if deaths soft embrace" I felt it ironic that a soldier, who often engages in aggressive combat and fights to live in every battle, would put up no fight with death. That being said, this phrase is fine as it stands (though maybe an apostrophe for "death's"?). I love the implicit idea that soldiers have made peace with the prospect of death in their line of duty, which further adds to the idea of selflessness.
Respect and humility, for the intangible things the selfless speaker asks for in order to give others a better world. It made me question the sacrifice the general public sometimes forget when they're out there securing our country.
Was this based off you or a person you tried to identify with? If not, was there an event that galvanised this idea? Second question, if I may: is the lack of apostrophes a stylistic thing? While somewhat odd, I did like the softening effect it gave to the line "but if deaths soft embrace"
I loved the simplicity yet deep implications of this piece - there is a strong and recurring idea of the sacrifices soldiers give up for their nation.
I think that the thoughts of soldiers are not explored much, especially on WTW where most writers are students who have not undergone the experience of serving the nation in the military. This was hence a refreshing read and also very compelling.
One small issue I have would be the choice of title capitalisation, but that is a very small issue.
Great work, wishing you all the best in your writing endeavours!
P.S. Thank you for your lovely review! I hope this one made your day as much as it made mine :-)