Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
How did you feel at the ending? Was the two point of views more helpful with understanding the plot?
Your world seemed really fleshed out. You explained every odd element that came up and gave lots of details to each one.
Both of the main characters are fairly similar, though you do bring up some differences and quirks that make them more realistic. I can't really say I have a favorite character; I'd want more background on both of them and would want to know more about their personalities before I make that decisions.
Again, I probably would want to know more about Zeerie and Kari. They act slightly shy and awkward, which is very cute, but besides that, the reader doesn't really know much about them. Then again, I don't think you need to add any more info about them. I really like how the piece centers around the fantasy element, and adding more details about the main characters could possibly hinder that. I like the characters the way they are.
No, you explained all the elements really well, even giving names to oddities like ank dara. It was easy to read and as I've stated time and time again, it really shows that you put some real thought into creating this world.
The ending is good, but I feel like you could do better. I really like the unknown fate element, but I personally don't like ending stories with lines like, "but that's for another day." It's entirely subjective and you probably want to check with more people before you decide on whether or not you want to change it.
I feel like it would be cool if you talked just a little bit more about the war and why no one knows what happened to them; connect the two ideas. Was Barnilen attacked that day and the entire city wiped out, but no one found their bodies? Did Zeerie and Kari just disappear not long after they arrived at the camp and in the ensuing chaos that happened during the war, no one could go looking for them until years later when they'd be much harder to find? It's a thought worth expanding upon.
Your beginning immediately grabs my attention. I like how the narrator occasionally contradicts him/herself. It creates a very memorable voice.
I really liked the switching the focus between the two characters. The repetition worked well and helped validate why they would give each other their hearts. Yes, I definitely liked the two points of view.