Peer Review by Jeremy Houle (United States)

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By: Junelover14

"Sarah! Did you take out the trash yet?!" A women called into the house. 

Sarah looked up from the words set on the page in front of her. She didn't answer. Sarah hated when her father's new wife yelled across the house at her. She could just walk to her room and speak to her like a normal person, but she rather never see Sarah's face when they spoke. 

"Sarah?!" The woman's voice was closer now. Just a room away. As if Sarah's stepmother had walked through the house just to stop right next to her bedroom and yell again. Sarah rolled her eyes. 

After a few more thorny moments of continued silence, the woman finally came into Sarah's bedroom. She was a tall, slender type of women. Every bit of her screeched uniformity. From the neatness of her crisp white blazer and pencil skirt, to the impeccable freeze or her black bunned hair. Even her skin came together in the perfect set of clean, unblemished, and sharp cheek bones. Her eyes, like the rest of her was disciplined. There would be no stray emotions getting the best of her. Nothing for her enemies to discern from when looking at not a window to her soul, but two cold alabaster rocks. 

"Didn't you hear me?" Her voice lacerated any tranquility left in Sarah's bedroom, "I asked you a question!"

Sarah nodded her head. Her thoughts were already slipping to anywhere else. A place where peace was more than a passing thought in the wind. "Yes."

"Yes what? Did you take out the trash or didn't you?!" The woman raised her voice in indignation.

Sarah nodded again, "Yes, I did." She turned her head back to her words. The words glimmered horizontally across the notebook paper on her desk. She longed to return to her words. 

The women stalked into Sarah's sanctuary with precise movements, like a frigid puma. "What are you doing?"

"Homework." Sarah answered quickly. Too quickly. The woman rapidily prowled forward and snatched her words before her hands could remember how to protect them. 

"Doesn't look like homework to me." The woman smirked a thin, closed lipped smile. "Your father and I were meaning to speak with you about this unavailing hobby of yours." The room chilled to a temperature far beyond the limit for human life. Sarah had to fight not to shiver and cringe the way her body and soul craved to do. "We both agreed that you should stop with this nonsense and come work as my secretary for the summer. We believe that is would be best if you set your sights on something a little less... Idiotic." With that final thrown knife, the women stalked off. Taking Sarah's words with her.

The rest of the night left Sarah in darkness. She had nothing left to do. Her stepmother had sent in cleaners to rip at her safe haven and run away with any and all makers of her words. Sarah's books were kidnapped and all writing utensils were hidden from sight. Her words were most likely burned or thrown away. Sarah had nothing left. Her sanctuary was no longer her own. It was now a jail cell. Nothing but cold, unyielding bars and no light. 

She fell asleep in that cell. Waiting for day to break free from the confines of the night sky. Maybe then she would remember how to live again, but for now she slept.

When she opened her eyes she wasn't where she last was. With thoughts of Alice and Oz rushing through her mind's eye, Sarah looked around the room she had found herself in.

Simple in its eccentricity, the walls were wooden and what was once carpet is now green, glowing grass littered with flowers of all kinds. Lemon yellow daffodils and ravishingly purple dahlias and burnt orange lilies and exquisitely pink roses. There was so many and even more that Sarah could never hope to name. The light in the room was shining from the fireflies that nestled in the vines that hung from the ceiling. Sarah looked down and noticed that she wasn't in a bed, but a pile of down feathers as brown as the wood of the walls. The room was heated like a green house. Sarah slipped her sweater off her shoulders and folded it neatly next to her make shift bedding. 

A knock sounded at the door, a door that seemed as if to blend into the wood of the walls, "Hello? My darling child, are you awake yet?" asked the voice of the most gentle of ladies. 

"Yes." Sarah called back to answer. Quickly the door was opened, the starry sky shaped the head of the strange lady, and Sarah stood to greet her.

The lady looked much like Sarah, but considerably more ethereal. "Hello there. I've so longed to meet with you."

Sarah blinked at the lady in front of her. The fireflies flew from their spots to circle her and the newcomer. "Who are you? Where am I?"

The lady smiled sweetly, "You are in the same place you were before, just on the other side of reality. Beings that are born with free spirit and sight are placed here instead of where humans like to roam. As for who I am, I was hoping you'd remember." She glided closer to Sarah and reached out a hand for her. Sarah immediately took it and was filled with tender fondness. Tears started to form in her eyes.

"You belong here, my dearest girl. You can do anything you wish." The lady shifted her free hand to Sarah's face and gently caressed her cheek.

"Anything?" Sarah asked. Her voice small and timid in strength, but brimming with aspiration.

"Anything at all." The lady grinned wildly and inquired, "What is it you wish to do?"


Message to Readers

I would love any spelling and/or grammar checks. I am really bad at spelling, so all the help you can give me would be great. Feel free to tell me everything you want to. I want to know if it's good, if it's too much, or if you hated it. Feel free to share. Thanks for the help.

Peer Review

hrmm..... the colors?

hrmmm... definitely the step mom. Chilly. professional.

Her dad. Was he mean to sarah too? or was he just lonely so he married a wife?

I didn't understand the transition between here world and there world. Did she go to jail?

hrmm... I know this is Write the World and we all love to write, but I find it sad and disappointing that after seeing her real mom and being freed from seeming tyranny, she would want to stare at paper....

Reviewer Comments

Perhaps the girl could want to write a story with her mom? or with her mom and dad?
I think "Idiotic" just doesn't fit. If the step mom loved the daughter, she wouldn't have used that word, and if she hated the daughter, I think she would have used a stronger word; without hesitation.

lol that all sounds kinda harsh, but it's constructive at least! :) keep writing!~