Peer Review by Suri Purefoy (United States)

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Ruminations

By: GiuliaGM


RUMINATIONS

INT. DIMLY LIT CORRIDOR

Only a woman’s feet are in shot with the camera directly following behind said feet as she briskly walks down the corridor. We hear the clicking of her black chunky boots as she walks. At the end of the corridor we see the bottom of a closed door that opens with a creak and the woman enters without hesitation. 

CUT TO 

INT. DUSTY ROOM WITH FIREPLACE AND OLD FURNITURE

We see, from behind, a woman wearing a black leather jacket kneeling in front of the fireplace, clearly out of place in the old room. All we hear is the crackle of the fire and the tearing of paper.

Camera angle changes so that we get a side view of ALICE SLATER (mid-20s) tearing the paper and throwing it into the fire. Her expression is concentrated. She has a soft face with piercing dark eyes with her hair in a tight ponytail.

we hear faint, unclear laughter.

CUT TO 

INT. SAME ROOM FLASHBACK

The room is sunny and the past is indicated by an over-lit, almost ethereal scene.

POV from doorway. Two young children (10) with similar features are playing, running around the sofa trying to chase each other, wearing light summer clothes.

Camera angle changes so that we can see the the doorway on the right-hand side with a woman leaning on the doorframe. She’s smiling warmly and is the children’s mother.

 MRS SLATER
 Ahem. (she says this in a warm tone)

Children stop playing and run to hug their mother’s waist.

 MRS SLATER CONT.
 This looks like fun. Can I join in?

 BOY
 Of course but I think there will be more room in the garden.

Alice runs towards the other door leading outside as the boy takes his mother’s hand and follows.

CUT TO

INT. DUSTY ROOM

Camera angle same as before flashback and we briefly see some deep sadness in Alice’s eyes but before we can fully acknowledge it her face is hard again. Camera cuts to a wider angle as we see her get up. Camera follows her outside the room. 

CUT TO

INT. CLEAN OPEN APARTMENT

We see Alice sat by a table with her laptop and papers/photographs sprawled messily, covering the whole surface. The apartment is modern with simple,sleek decor which instantly makes Alice look more at ease in the environment than in a dusty old house. She is, yet again, concentrated and undisturbed by the knocking on her door. The knocking persists, getting more insistent. Eventually Alice gets up, irritated, to open the door as the camera follows her. As the door swings open we see MERCEDES GARCÍA (similar age to Alice) looking quizzical. Alice says nothing but returns to her desk to continue working. 

 MERCEDES GARCÍA
 Well hello to you to (Said from the doorway).

Alice doesn’t respond so Mercedes closes the door and sits opposite Alice, closing her laptop. Camera focuses on the profile of both women as they converse. Alice shoots her a death glare but Mercedes seems unfazed, something that is unusual to Alice. There is clearly a strong bond between the two. 

 MERCEDES CONT.
 Look. Here’s the deal. You can’t stop living your life. (Gesturing to littered table) You’ve been researching for months. I’m not telling you to give up here but maybe take a step back. 

(Beat.)

 ALICE SLATER
 (With intense determination) I’m not going to stop until I get them back.

 MERCEDES
 Who’s the last person you talked to that wasn’t me or Josh?

 ALICE
 I just don’t have time for socialising right now. (She sounds tired)

 MERCEDES
 (With irritation seeping into her voice) We’re your friends for Christ’s sake! You’re not just going to turn your back on us if we decide to stop helping, are you?

(Beat. They stare at each other).
Alice gets up and Mercedes follows (Camera zooms out) and they embrace each other. They go to sit on one of the sofas and camera angle changes so that there is a direct shot of Mercedes sitting down with Alice curled up with her head on Mercedes’ lap. 

 MERCEDES
 When was the last time you spoke to Josh?

 ALICE
 It’s probably been about two weeks. Maybe even a month. I don’t know anymore. It hasn’t been since- (Alice stops herself).

 MERCEDES
 Since what? (She sounds worried and maybe even scared).

(Beat.)

 ALICE
 The dream.

 MERCEDES
 What dream? (She is snappy now) And by dream you mean vision right? Why didn’t you tell me about this?

Alice stays silent.

 MERCEDES CONT.
 They’re getting more frequent aren’t they?

As a response Alice shifts slightly and makes an odd sound in her throat. Mercedes holds Alice tighter. 

CUT TO

EXT. DARK FOREST NIGHT

Scene is tinted a dark blue/green hue and maybe slightly grainy. 

Alice is sat cross-legged under a large tree. Camera shot has her central. Camera cuts to a close up of her face and her eyes are closed. She looks almost peaceful. We hear a scream and her eyes open suddenly and there is pure terror. Camera cuts to her running in the forest weaving through trees until she reaches a river that is rapid and violent. 

 MALE VOICE
 Alice!

Alice looks up the river and sees a man (late 20s/early 30s) bleeding. She runs to him.

 ALICE
 (In Panic) Josh! 

She throws herself onto the ground next to him and his white t-shirt is soaked in blood. We see pain in his eyes and fear in Alice’s. 

CUT TO

INT. APARTMENT

The women are in the same position as before but Alice looks sickly and on the verge of tears whilst Mercedes displays shock, disbelief and fear. 

 MERCEDES
 You saw Josh?!

(Beat.)

 ALICE
 Yes, but-

Alice jolts as Mercedes jumps up from the seat staring down at Alice as she hugs her knees on the sofa, tinged with guilt. 

 MERCEDES
 Why didn’t you tell either of us? 

Alice’s face hardens. 
 ALICE
 Fear. I can’t lose him too.
 




 

The names of the characters refer to their past/destiny. With Alice meaning noble, Mercedes mercy, and Joshua salvation. 

Peer Review

The tension displayed really grabbed me, making me want to read/watch more and more, to find out what happens.


None. I think it's amazing!


It's great! The mysteriousness is profound and perfect, that we get enough information, but not enough to give it all away.


Keep writing! It's superb!


Reviewer Comments

Gorgeous job writing "Ruminations"! Keep it up!