Peer Review by Jeremy Houle (United States)

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Ramona's First Apparition

By: Soph Gibson


FREE WRITING

Desperately grasping at the rough, brown brick, her fingertips were raw and bleeding red. With determination, she thrashed and shook, trying as hard as she could to stay in the alley. She envisioned her surroundings just in case.

Ramona wasn't completely sure this was how her parents had described her Mugwort's initiation would be like. She was almost certain that they had insisted  people weren't going to grab at her with calloused hands and a strong grip.

Although, she couldn't be that certain.

Once the man had approached her, grabbing and struggling, her first logical thought was that he would attempt apparition (excluding the illogical thoughts of 'Oh my gosh!' and 'Where is my phone?' and then 'Mum's going to kill me, if this guy doesn't first'). Her second was that she wasn't going to allow it. She tried to escape from his grip or throw him off.

Sure, after five years of magical homeschooling and daily praises of 'Simply wonderful' and 'So talented', she was led to assume she was fairly gifted in magic, but in no way was any fifteen-year-old ready for apparition. Still she followed the basic procedure her father had taught her. Envision the place, clear your mind, hold on tight. Well, except for the last one.

It was then, between the thrashing and shaking, that she heard a voice, calling her name. Not a violent, urgent shriek, similar to those of her own protests, but a calm, soothing, melodic voice, singing her name as one might a lullaby.

"Ramona, Ramona."

The simple distraction seemed to more distracting than Ramona had originally calculated. Within a second, Ramona felt a nausiating tug from behind her navel, and the world around her became engulfed in silience. 



Message to Readers

The MSM Writer's Club attended a Writer's Camp on the 23rd and 24th of May, with the theme Harry Potter. We were faced with a complication: Ramona Sky, a student at Mugwort's (our very own Hogwarts), did not make it onto the Mugwort's express. Here is my story. Feedback welcome.


Peer Review




Reviewer Comments

Pretty interesting. It leaves one with a healthy number of questions, and perhaps an unhealthy amount of suspense! haha is there any more?