Peer Review by V-Rose (United States)

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Unsinkable Chapter 2

By: IfPagesCouldTalk


FREE WRITING

Ariella raced into her room, filled with excitement. They were about to leave Southampton! She opened her suitcase and pulled out one of her dresses. It was a beautiful blue dress the went well with her curly blonde hair. It was simple but elegant and suited her well. After she had put it on, she buttoned all the buttons, pulled back her hair with a ribbon, splashed her face with water, and raced out of her room to wait for her father. A few minutes later, her father emerged from his room with brushed hair and a new suit. Her father was a handsome man. His face was clean-shaven, and his hair was turning gray around his temples. He had a distinguished look, his eyes were sharp but kind, and when he looked at you, you felt like he was looking straight into your soul. 
    "Let's go!" Ariella exclaimed as she walked over to him, and they walked up to the deck together. 
The deck was already filled with people waiting for the boat to leave, but Ariella and her father found a spot by the rails where they could see everything happening. Everyone on shore was waving at them, and everyone on board waved back. Soon, the boat started to move, and people everywhere were shouting to the people onshore. Ariella waved furiously, even though there was no one on the shore for her to wave to. She stood there with her father and watched the people getting smaller and smaller, with a big smile on her face. 


Peer Review

Ariella is so cute and sweet! I love her character and she pulls you right into the story the way a little girl pulls you into a game! I'm so excited to hear what happens next!


The one thing I think you could add would be a bit more of Ariella's thoughts and reactions to things. Why does she love that dress? Why is she excited to leave? Is she nervous about being on the boat? It helps the reader dive into the story a little more because her thoughts slowly become theirs and they (I) find themselves just as excited as she is.


Reviewer Comments

I love this story! Please let me know if this review is helpful or if you ever need another one!
-V