Grace2Write

Australia

Guten Morgen!

I'm Haelie - a book loving, dog loving 15 year old. I am learning German, and also like to crochet.

Year 10
ISFJ-T
Christian
Bookworm
Poet
Writer
Curly Girl
Thunderbirds Are Go (major fan)
Dream job: Firefighter

Message to Readers

This is a small excerpt from a novella I have been working on for a while. As this is for the novel comp, I would be grateful for feedback and if there was anything I could change.

Lexi (Edited Version)

November 11, 2021

Twenty-five-year-old Taelyr stared out across the bay. The sun slowly dipped behind the horizon, the glinting water gradually growing dull and dark. The young man sighed, bowing his head. Oh Dad. Where are you?
    It had been just over two years now since his Dad had gone missing. Two long years. Taelyr ran his hand over his rust-red hair, once again gazing across Guichen Bay. So dark. But peaceful. Then the raging storms come, and destroy it all. Like trials can a human life. He contemplated the letter he had sent off to the Sydney Morning Herald two weeks earlier. 
    “I told them about the island, Dad,” he whispered to the still waters. “I told them about how I grew up on Anchorak. About how I swam with the dolphins. I told them of your fishing and our free lifestyle. I told them how you sent me to school on the mainland. The letters you and I exchanged while I attended boarding school. How when I came back, you were gone. I told them everything.” I had to, Dad. I know you would disapprove of them knowing about Anchorak. But I had to. I am going to find you, even if it kills me.
    A lump rose in Taelyr’s throat, his breathing becoming short and fast.  Why did you leave me? I need you. A single tear slid down Taelyr’s cheek; his heart felt ready to shatter into a million pieces. Where did you go?

                                                                                       ***

    Taelyr sat on the window seat, his head resting heavily on his hands. Still nothing. It had been three months since he had watched the sun set over Guichen Bay, sitting alone on the pier. I hate newspapers. He frowned, immediately feeling guilty. Sorry, Dad. I am doing this for you.
    A knock sounded on the door. Taelyr jumped up. Before he could get there, a blonde head poked around the doorway, quickly followed by the gangly body of a local teenager.
    “Here Taelyr. Postman got this mixed up in our mail,” declared a broad-accented voice. 
Taelyr grinned at the hazel-eyed fisherboy, taking the proffered letter. “Thank you very much, Dan. I really appreciate it.”
    Dan blushed, a tinge of red mixing with the sprinkling of freckles on his cheeks. “Aw, Taelyr, you don’t have to give me thanks with all your fancy words. Besides, you’re a good guy. The boy brushed at his thatch of unruly hair, saying sincerely, “I’d do anythin’ for you, Taelyr.” 
    Taelyr laughed, laying a sturdy hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Well, it is good to know someone appreciates me.” Why did you leave me Dad? Do you not love me anymore? his thoughts screamed.
    Dan’s face crumpled into an impish grin. “Is that fishin’ trip still on later this week?” 
    “Definitely. I would not miss it for anything,” Taelyr replied.
    The teenager flashed Taelyr a grin, darting back out the door. “Gotta go! Darren Hull is waitin’ for me at the quay!” 
    “Give him my regards, will you?” Taelyr called, waving to the boy. 
    “Sure thing!” Dan yelled back, making headway down the street. 
    Taelyr smiled to himself, turning his attention to the letter. “Well, what is this?”  He eased the envelope flap upwards, wincing as the edge stabbed his thumb. 

‘Dear Taelyr,’ it ran. ‘We sent your story to several well-known international papers, and have received feedback from one in particular. From the reply we received, and some research we undertook, we have reason to believe that your father could be in Germany… It was also uncovered that he has been trying to trace and make contact with a person named Lexi Pfeiffer. We understand this may come as a shock… Sincerely, Sydney Morning Herald Editorial Office.

    Taelyr’s head swam. Lexi Pfeiffer? Who on earth could that be? A wave of dizziness swept over him. I need to sit down. He rubbed his eyes, reading over the contents of the letter once more. Lexi… Dad, how are you connected with this stranger?

                                                                                    ***

Lexi.

Taelyr’s finger traced the name on the frosted glass. Who was she? He longed to know. 

A child dancing in the falling rain, rivulets of water running down her legs. 

The rain drizzled down the glass pane, the storm clouds above casting a grey cloud across the valley.

The musical laugh of a girl brimming with joy, as she gently pulls the long stalks of waving purple rock lilies from the ground.

Taelyr closed his eyes, trying to remember; doing his hardest to piece together the shattered memories. 

Sparkling brown eyes; gentle hands as she strokes her baby brother’s soft red curls. 

The clock hands slowly moved from number to number. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Constant and steady. 

All traces of joyous laughter are gone, replaced by tears and worry. Small hands cling to an ailing mother.

His mother had a clock. His Dad had told him many times. One designed with swirls and gilt edges. A tall, proud, colonial timepiece that she had loved dearly. 

Clouded eyes, staring at a stately clock. “Mummy,” a small voice whispers brokenly. Hot tears run down crimson cheeks.

His mother had died. Swift and sudden, with no warning. How could you raise me alone, Dad; pour your life into me, and then just leave? Unless… unless there had been another?

“No, you can’t take me from Daddy and baby Taelyr!” she screams. A stern aunt grasps her firmly, whisking her away from her father.

Taelyr gazed out the window at the wildflowers, their fragile petals fluttering in the breeze. Purple rock lillies. Dad said they were Mum’s favourite. He closed his eyes. Broken memories flooded his mind. Faint recollections of his father fretting over letters from a relative. Blurred visions of a girl with auburn hair and sparkling brown eyes. Who was she? As sudden as lightning strikes, he remembered. Those blurred visions became clear; the broken puzzle whole again.

His eyes widened; his breathing quickened. 

Lexi is my sister.

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10 Comments
  • Parzi

    Re: Thanks again for reading! I’m really happy you enjoyed it!
    And of course I don’t mind, I’m flattered!


    17 days ago
  • Parzi

    Wait wait WAIT-
    You put me in your bio?! :0
    As an amazing writer?… :’)
    You’re too kind! T-T
    I’m honoredddddd!!!


    18 days ago
  • Parzi

    Re: The second part is up if you’re still interested! :)


    18 days ago
  • kaylasghost

    re: yes of course!! i'm rlly glad you liked it <33 (btw, i love your writing!!)


    18 days ago
  • Parzi

    Re: Well you’re certainly more creative than I am when it comes to names!

    The next part should be up later today, but I’ll keep you updated!


    18 days ago
  • Parzi

    Re: Thank you so much! I do plan on posting more, and I’d love for you to read it!


    19 days ago
  • Parzi

    This is amazing! I can immediately empathize with your character, Taelyr, and totally side note I love the way you spelled his name. His confusion and sorrow is so palpable in so few words, it’s heartbreaking in a good way.


    19 days ago
  • rosie_

    wow... this story takes the reader on such a journey!


    20 days ago
  • Mr. No-show

    Such a strong start. Its both poetic and intriguing and also doesn't waste anytime on unnecessary or boring details. It gets straight to whats interesting and what will capture a reader.

    And let's talk about that ending!
    The characters realization seems so natural and realistic, and then just ending it with that one lone sentence was a great call.

    You have such a talent for cohesive story telling. Nothing feels abrupt or outta place, it all just reads so smoothly.

    Well done, truly an excellent piece of writing right here.


    20 days ago
  • Helena

    Oh wow, this is great!! The last line is so strong and I really want to know more!!!
    Re: Thank you for the lovely comments <3


    21 days ago