Look at her. Pathetic and tired.
She drags her body when she walks, and talks with eyes have closed.
Her chin is unusual they told her at 7, and a hole opened up.
She’s full of holes now. One here, one there.
The top on her arms, the fat on her hips, the way her stomach sticks out.
She has problems with her thighs, her knees, her breasts.
Her jaw, her forehead, her nose.
And she thinks she can hide the holes but she can’t. She can’t! She just… can’t.
The wholes get bigger as people keep looking, and as she keeps hiding.
And one day she notices a hole in the ground.
“A hole in the ground?”
She was overjoyed because she now had a chance to hide all parts of herself from prying eyes. She can be free in this hole.
And that is all it takes. A skip and a jump and a land with a thump.
And now she hides. She hides forever.
She never comes out and no one goes in, do your know why?
I’ll tell you why.
Because a hole can hurt, it’s meant to be filled in and looked after and cared for and loved.
The opposite of that is a void. A void is an easy ‘skip, jump and landing with a thump’ away.
A void is hard to fill when you are too tired to fill it. Void is hard to get out of when you’re already there. It tricks you and deceives you to think that you need it to live.
The void is making her think she is nothing without it. As if, she would simply crumble and die.
And, now, bags are under her eyes, her face looks skinnier as she stares at the floor in the corridor of school. In the aisle of church. At the dinner table.
So look at her, and remember.
Remember what not to do, that’s what I do.
Void is mental illness and the holes are insecurities.
this is a time about a couple months ago for me, and now I look back on that girl and remember how easy it was to fall into a dark place and let it come over me.